Turning Table

Part 170

*** Not All Mothers Can Love ***

Rosetta

"Are you going to let me in or you going to stare at me the whole night "I said as I came eye to eye with Ginger who answered Muntu door, now why am I not surprised that she here, I'm busy cleaning up her mass, comforting her daughter while she caters for her dying friend or is it girlfriend,

She licked her lip and stood aside allowing me to come in, I walked in the room I am trying so hard to act as if I did not like being in Gingers and Muntu's presence, but curiosity dragged me to this pit called a place , I want to hear what Muntu has to say and most definitely see how death looks on her ... Basically I'm only hear to gloat, Table Turn and I have the upper hand in this whole situation.

Her: Rose ... I meant to call and thank you for saving my life ... "

Me: it was not by choice"

Her: I know Muntu told me ... "

Me: was that before or after you neglected your daughter the verry same daughter that devoted her life to save you ... "

Her: its complicated Rose ... "

Me: how so? the fact that she is Oyama child or the fact that her existence opened assortment of problems from your past? "

Her: I am glad you know about me and Oyama and the affair is out in the open... Thank God, it was getting so tiring to pretend that I like you while I was in love with your husband..."

Me: So, you feel a sense of relief that I know about the affair then you actually feel remous that you rejected your daughter yet again?"

Her: Rose I am not like you, do not look at me and have that twisted sense of motherhood. Where you believe that all mothers are kind, tender, gentle, and loving. Unfortunately, not all women who give birth to children are a good parent. Not all women are fit to be mothers. . . not all women are like you, I can never compare what I feel for my daughter to what you feel for your son ... so she is better off without me ... "

I looked at her as she limped and set down, she made a hissing sound as she pushed one pillow behind her

Her: You see Rose I ran away from home not because of Oyama or because he impregnated me at the age of 14, but because I had a lot of unanswered questions about my mother's treatment towards me, why didn't I feel that I belonged to her? Why was I not right in her eyes? I think it has always been part of me that I was different, disappointed and feelings of frustration at not being able to change the unchangeable was inevitable, I was busted child, different and four decades later I find out that my biological father is white man, a rich white man , so to me It doesn't matter now, it's either you come from money or you are poor: If your family has already made you feel that you are not worthy, you begin to believe it, and when someone comes along and tells you that you are beautiful/special/wonderful and showers you with attention and gifts, or offers you money when you desperately need it, you are vulnerable and ready to trust... so here I am today, wanted by the cops... and hated by people I once called family....so you tell me if Nikiwe is ready for my baggage ? How on earth am I supposed to love my adult daughter when my own mother resents my existence, how am I supposed to be a mother? "

"Just because a mother gave birth to child does not mean they can care for them. Just because a woman had a child does not necessarily equate to being safe, respectful, or healthy. NOT ALL MOTHERS CAN LOVE." I said to her, it is one of the few quotes I picked up from jail where most convicted women were forced to shut down their maternal instinct to survive.

Her: I could not have said it better "

Me: So, where is she? "

Her: in her room ... "