Turning Table

Part 182

*** Life Moving in a Different Direction ***

🌹Lethukuthula🌹

Have your friends ever told you that they thought you were arrogant the first time they met you? telling you that you should get out of your comfort zone? That you need to go out more often and be more sociable? That you need to get your head out of the clouds? That was me all those years being on the receiving side of all the "get a life" comments thrown at me.

For as long as I can remember Liya has been my only true friend, even though our friendship was long distance since I chose to stay in boarding school and later on join the army I hardly bonded with her as a friend but mostly kept tabs with her once in a while, we kind of liked the distance since we both had huge family issues that we were dealing with. With Liya, it was more of a choice since she was the forever bubble type and not afraid to be out there while with me it was more of fear.

It's not because I don't know how to have fun but it's more about not being able to socialize with other people in order to get a better experience in life.

I spent years telling myself that I would try my best to socialize but every day I fail or make excuses not to. The problem is that when I try to pluck up the courage to raise my voice, my body will not allow me to. my heart pounds fast, adrenaline rushes in, my lips curl shut, and the words freeze in my throat. In the end, no sound comes out of my mouth and social interaction requires even more daring than before.

Being the daughter of a public figure will do that to you, I was forced into a life of privacy from a very young age, from the school I attended to the places I visited, every move I made was closely monitored, my father even went as far as picking out which friends I should hang out with and who is not the right fit for his social standard to be seen with me. With all these do's and don'ts rules I had to follow, I slowly slipped into a state of being antisocial, I avoided people or friendships because I felt like I was going to have to justify myself to someone if they found out who my father was, so I choose to be very guarded.

I never thought in a million years that I would feel this comfortable amongst friendly strangers, to be honest, Nothing is strangely confusing than a relationship between people who know each other only by sight, and when they sit to talk, they just click, I can't help to feel My brain assesses why is that so? Is it because we all are ranked as having an affluent status, and we can relate to the stress that comes with this life? Because I know for a fact that if I was with any other crowd, I would have long kept quiet processing a potential way a thing I could say could be misinterpreted and/or turned against me in a way that either exposes me to potential harm or a diminishment in how others think of me. Consequently, I will find myself wearing a smiling blinking mask that says a lot of empty agreeable neutral statements. As my energy slipped the longer that I stayed amidst that crowd.

I Jumped a bit as I felt a hand on top of my shoulder when I looked up, I was met by Nkosi smile, it was a smile and a nod that pretty much said, "Hey, we are the same, you and I"

I smiled back and nodded,

"Drink this and stop debating about calling Mlondi or not, "he said making me shake my head, he sat next to me, and we started talking again. Joking about Our passionate conversations of being an introvert which quickly became long, meaningful talks about life, love, and friendship. He talked about where he came from, and I was listening. I told him about my life, and he was listening too. It must have been 30 minutes talking with Nkosi but surprisingly it felt like a lifetime, did I just gain a new friend in him... mmmm it sure does feel like it.

I felt eased once again and found myself interacting with the other ladies as well, I watched as the jovial Sbahle talked in a loud confident voice about the controversial subject of her journey of being a mother of 8 kids and Mvelo still wishes for at least three more kids, we were all in awe cause she does not look like she even does sex yet alone carry a child that how polished and perfectly looking this queen is.