***If they do it often, it isn’t a mistake, it’s just a behavior***
🌹Mpume🌹
I looked at myself in the mirror, it's the morning after and I wish I can turn back the hands of time, I'm in total disgrace, as I keep seeing flashbacks of what transpired last night,
I found myself being In a local tavern on Christmas eve, this is by far the last place I thought I will find myself in, but there I was drunk as fuck, the aim of going there in the first place was to talk to LT try and comfort her, eat meat so she may sober up but one drink turned in to a
" cwalisa itafula " party.
There is something about drinking yourself to numb the pain, that just feels right in those few hours while you doing it.
After downing few drinks I realize that it was not about me comforting LT anymore for losing her father but was more about me dealing with neglect or should I say my death.
My life for the past years I felt like I'm inside a coffin buried alive and only given a pipe of air to use to breathe in with, I realized that I could disappear on the face of the earth and no one would care anyway.
To most people I'm just a bad memory or maybe to most I am just dead, so why not numb the feeling that My mother, my ex-husband, my children... My bank account, have buried me and placed a tombstone over my heard.
Not so long ago I had it all but now My life existence Just vanishes into this dank, grey layer of society at street level. The soft muck at the bottom. It's funny how I just got swallowed up in it and become another lonely woman whose body will never be identified because she has no next of kin.
With alcohol in my system and these loud thoughts in my head, I found myself crying a waterfall of tears.
" hay "
I looked into the mirror and I was meet by Liyana's huge smile,
Her: got you something for the hangover "
Me: I'm not interested!"
Her: Mpume look about last night..."
Me: don't ask me if I'm ok, don't ask me if I want to talk about it... Just don't say shit about last night ok!"
She just looked at me and bust out and laughed
I clicked my tongue and walked back to my bedroom, just when I was about to slam the door on her face she pushed her way in,
Her: you taking this way too personal, everyone gets drunk and does crazy things, it's not a big deal "
She busts out and laughed
Me: Liyana just gets out!!"
Her: ooh come on Mpume lightin up its Christmas day for fuck sake "
Me: Liyana you find this as a joke! While there might be a video of me out there going viral, now the whole South Africa will see me crying, dancing on the table in a bloody tavern!...yet wena you laughing at my face, telling me it's no big deal"
Her: hold up! and just take few seconds and think about what you just said, I'm not sure if it's stupidity or what? But look around you, your highness! we in a fuckin township!! no one knows or cares about you!!... We are more worried about how expensive data is than to just waste it on posting yet another video of a drunk woman acting crazy! ...in this part of town you no one, just another drunk woman who had drunk way too much! And lost your morals, so relax it's happened to everyone, get over yourself"
Me: funny you should say that you are just another hoodrat that has not made it out in these slumps, You may see me as a nobody but trust me I am something... Something that is much better than you!!! Now get the fuck out of my room"
Her: wow!"
She said and walked out, I held my mouth realizing the way I just spoke to her, Fuck!! Why do I always do this shit, the minute she banged my door I sank down and held my face,
This won't have happened if LT did not come over, and from how I acted last night that just shows that I have hit rock bottom like I have the ground under my feet now, to make it even worse
This was supposed to be LT numbing party, but here I was crying like it's my last day on earth
They say tears cleanse the soul but I feel wearier than I was before, I am insanely burned out to the point where I am physically unwell, and I have absolutely no idea what to do or what I can even do when it comes to putting the pieces of My life together
I open my mouth and I spit toxics, I can't ever keep a friend because of my attitude, It's scary being down here, I just realize that I have a very real chance of staying down here for a long time most probably never getting up again... How do I crawl out of mud that keeps sucking me down?
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YOU ARE READING
Turning Table
Mystery / ThrillerIt's funny because when you're a little kid, you are under the impression that you can just grow up and go about your life in the same way you always have. When you're a kid, you have this whole perception of who you are going to be. You are too you...
