Turning Table

Part 129

***The Light ****

🌹Nompumelelo 🌹

All I heard was whispering from Mvelo and Mzamo I had no idea what they were talking about but one thing that I was certain is that the topic behind the argument was me,
" Hay, you are freezing "
Veli said wrapping me up with a throw,

I faintly smiled and held the blanket tightly, over me, she ran her hand on my back rubbing me I could feel that she wants to ask if 'I'm ok, when she clearly knows that I'm not, and that alone makes me want to scream, and say,

"Well, I'm not fine. I'm angry, frustrated, and hurt. I'm sad, depressed, and lonely. I'm confused, anxious, and afraid. I'm grieving!!!"

It would feel so good to say that. I mean Why can't I?
But on second thoughts I guess it would only make things worse. I'm already being treated like I have an infectious disease. Everyone in this room is avoid me. It's obvious they don't know what to do with me. Honestly, I don't know what to do with myself either.
So keeping my mouth shut now will be my only option,

" Can I make you something to eat"
Veli offered,
I shook my head no, she sat next to me and focused her eyes on where I was looking at
Her; Crying is all right in its way while it lasts. But you have to stop sooner or later, and then you still have to decide what to do"
Me: I know "
Her: I also know you hate asking for help"
Me: I have burned so many bridges Veli...most people don't even want to be in the same room as me, so it's not that I don't want to ask for help but I'm afraid of asking"

She sigh as We both fixed our eyes at Mzamo and Mvelo
Her: You are not the victim of the world, but rather the master of your own destiny. It is your choices and decisions that determine your destiny...look Mpume, Sometimes, if you want to change a man's mind, you have to change the mind of the man next to him first"  she said patting my thigh and she stood up walking away from me,

I sat there perplexed, so she wants me to approach Mvelo and ask him for help. I mean I know that The fastest way to develop depth with someone is to be authentic and vulnerable,
Also, let's not forget that my Ex -friend hates me too! So How the heck is that ever going to work?

You know If this was an ordinary situation I was in, I would have taken this time to explore the possibilities of why Mvelo probably hated me. Clearly, I most likely did something that he did not like. I must have said something that made him upset, I did not follow some sort of social protocol, broke the friendship code, or it could be that his significant other disliked me and he decided to cut all ties with me, if given an option I would probably tick all the box and agree to all the above but for him to toss me aside like a used tissue that was pretty extreme for him to do, worst of him to chose a side without allowing me to voice my views.

But neither the less none of these thoughts in my head will erase the fact that the reality of the situation: Mvelo is holding some sort of twisted grudge against me for my actions or my mere existence.

I breathe out loud with frustration, I looked up and noticed that they were still talking, I stood up but instead of walking towards them I froze,
Time was passing like a hand waving from a train I wanted to be on.
You know my whole life I have been a firm believer that Sometimes the loudest cries for help are being silent..now going against my word  I need to humble myself and speak out.

I made my way to the two men standing outside the glass door, with their backs turned on me I knew my fate was the topic, which pissed me off even more is that they are talking about me when they can talk to me, but on second thoughts, you know what? fuck these thoughts, this  Negative thinking has impeded me for the last time now, 

I breathe out loud and pulled the door open,
They both turned their heads the minute the door made a sound,
Me: I'm sorry to disturb you... "
Mzamo just looked at me and shook his head in frustration, he walked towards me and pulled the door, opened it wider, and walked inside the house leaving me with Mvelo.
Mvel's gaze is constant, as the moon shines
over me, yet welcoming, in its soft glow. I look everywhere but in his eyes, what do I say?
I cleared my thought and supported my now so-weak body on the sliding door,

Me: so you being here is no coincidence right?"
Him: yeh"
Me: how much did Veli tell you?"
Him: I'm not here because of what Veli said to me it's more of what Mzamo told me you had done "
I shoot my eyes up and looked at him,
Wide-eyed I was totally frightened...Wide-eyed I was overwhelmed, with tears battling to the surface, Realisation of thrilling intimidation hit me like a turn of bricks,
" he Knows!!!" I screamed in my head.

I glance at him and notice that there are Silenced words spoken through his eyes and just like that I look down since holding looks with him was unbearable, The second time I gaze up, and find his eyes still glued at me, for those seconds I was stuck in a fragile moment, Caught by his eyes in something, that I cannot back away from, Stillness of those exhilarating moments as a friend is long gone and replaced by this serious look he gave me that, I'm not familiar with

Him: why did you do it?"
Me: it was self-defense..."
I say softly
Him:then why is your heart saying I'm more afraid of what you going to think of me than what I have done?"
I looked down biting my lips, I hate his ability to read me, right now I feel Absolutely naked and my nakedness is intrusive, confusing to the senses.
Paradoxically, it felt like I am both revealed and my identity is diminished.

Him: we are all here cracking our heads on what we going to do, not because of you but because of Veli...since she is family, but you on the other hand you have no remorse or what so ever for killing a man in cold blood...not just any man a Ngozu man, son of a Nigerian Prophet who happens to be a close family friend "

Me: w....ha....t..."
I did not finish my sentence, my vision Went bleak as the broken shadow scattered in the room, thousands of slices crawled, and scratched  the wall, no face but arms with scars
appear across his skin--
pain controlled by temperament drive me insane as his bloodshot eyes look at me, teardrops pour, puddling on wooden floors, I screamed holding my head,
never wanting it to the
touch, strangle me, or torment me, I'm already bruised and broken,
lost and stolen, with all these broken shards scattered...cratches, scars appear across my skin now,
Ooh, take me home, Lord! cause I can not take this anymore

Him: Mpume!....Mpume God damn it, Veli get me water now!"
" what's going on?"
Veli's voice said from afar, I looked for her but the room was black with no light but crawling"s all over
" Water now?" Mvelo screamed while I try to fight off the thief who has stolen my mind, my body, my soul… "Please let me go. Please just let me be free." I pleaded,
"Allow my vocals to scream... allow my lungs to breath. .  . please!!!"

I say as I sit in some corner pulling my legs up and covering my face in them, What does happiness mean?
what is life without breath?  Why does this dark cloud follow me everywhere, Tears greeting my cheek, pureness held in the words I speak? Right there … I saw a glimpse of light
so close but I feared I will never reach...

" Mpume wake up!!!"

Even though my brain was a mess, the light appeared, vividly then I notice it was no light but more of Burning eyes, eyes that peer out of a dry crop of the  night, the twin sparks that light the driest stalks
fail to flame, did not combust when I looked up,
I'm confused as to what it is. What do these eyes belong to... Dog, cats, wolf...or perhaps owls? I fixed my eyes on this bright sight of shine and glint, which somehow trapped me and pulled me away from the dark.

The room came alight as I notice candles all around, Those candle flames were like the lives of Angels. So fragile. So heavenly!
Left alone, they lit and warmed my surroundings. The spark is rampant, indicating that they would destroy the very things they were meant to illuminate. Embryonic bonfires, each bearing a seed of destruction so potent it could tumble cities and evil to their knees. . . as I made my way in this room, a voice called my name and when I looked up I was met by Mvelo crouching in front of me, his eyes glow like the sun, he looked at me and what kept my soul whole and at peace was the warmth of the hands holding mine on both sides.

Ooh my God he is the light!
.
.
.

To be continued