Turning Table

Part 123

*** I Am My Mother's Daughter ***

🌹Nompumelelo 🌹

The name Mzamo Smith got these cops scrambling like crazy, it was as if Veli said God is unleashing another plague on mankind

Me: what's going on?"
Her: you heard them we have 24 hours "
Me: Veli!"
Her: Mpume! get in the bloody car now!!"
I said nothing and jumped in the car, she speed off the hospital exit, and I felt  like I'm in an escape car the way she was driving
Her: Mzamo said don't say a word till he figures how he can get you out of this mass "
I bite my lower lip as the corner of her eyes started to look at me, she swallows and keeps driving,

Not once I thought the truth will come out like this but here we are, my sister knows I killed a man!
Am I the only woman who has made MISTAKES? Not by a long shot. There are literally billions of us. To my Asa A, If you’re old enough to make decisions, you’re probably a woman who made mistakes, well Some mistakes may have been small and inconvenient. But mostly Many have caused your world to pause and shake.
Like killing a man for instance, now this bullshit, I have come to realize that this shit right here will be life-altering for me no doubt,

Her: when we're you going to tell me?"
I opened my mouth and closed it, I can't sugar coat this shit to her, I looked outside the window not sure if I'm ready to answer that question,
The car windows started shrinking as my vision narrowed and narrowed. I can hear Veli talking or should I say asking me question I was not ready to answer.
For me, difficult conversations are rarely about getting the facts right. They are about conflicting perceptions, interpretations, and values. So blocking her out of my head was my only option for now, I just allowed  my mind to roam to what was outside the moving car, 
I realized that the view through the piece of glass was not out onto the actual world but inward, down a digital depth over which I exercise near-dictatorial control. It's mostly the speed of light that captivate and frames my fundamental lack of control, while lost in this sense, a powerful existential tool took over: a patch of the world, arbitrarily framed, from which I am physically isolated. The only thing I can do is look. While my brain is forced to make a drama out of whatever happens to appear. Boring things become strange. A blob of mist balances on top of a mountain; leafless trees contort themselves in slow-motion interpretive dance; heavy raindrops make the puddles boil. These things are a tiny taste of the bigness of the world. They were there before I  looked; they will be there after I am  gone,

The peaceful sound I felt was disturbed by a car honk by a car behind us,  I realized that Veli was just looking at me and not looking at the road
Me: what?"
"...so you going to make me talk to myself the whole drive?..."
I folded my arms and breath out loud, God she is so annoying why can't she just drop this shit.
Her: wow The Silence treatment..."
I rolled my eyes
Her: damn It!!! Mpume, this shit  It's deafening. It's maddening. It leaving volumes in its presence and It's getting louder and louder and...all I'm trying to do is help you here!!! "
Me: God damn it Veli I did not ask for your bloody help!!!!"

I lashed out at her, I look at her look at me with a shocked expression, fuck! Mrs anger is back...why did Veli have to push me!
Her: did I bloody say you did?"
Me: what the fuck do you want!!!"
Her: the truth!!!"
She breathe out loud realizing that she raised her voice at me as well, tensions are high, she is driving like a maniac, while I wish I could just jump out of the car then disclose the truth to her,

Her: Mpume help me understand..."
Me: Veli...not now!"
Her: Mpume I don't know what you went through in that house but I can see in your eyes how much it's eating you up like a lich, look Sisi,
When you give yourself permission to communicate what matters to you in every situation you will have peace despite rejection or disapproval. Putting a voice to your soul helps you to let go of the negative energy of fear and regret."
Me: that the problem, you think I feel guilt or regret, for what I did?"
Her: what?"
I chuckled and looked at her,
Me: Veli I am a cold-hearted bitch, always have, always will be, some may say I am a nonviolent psychopath. Because I do not feel guilt, empathy, or remorse. Not because I don't want to but because I can't!!!