𝘐𝘯𝘤𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘴𝘤𝘦𝘯𝘵

𝘛𝘸𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘺-𝘴𝘪𝘹.

𝘊𝘦𝘭𝘦𝘴𝘵'𝘴 𝘗.𝘖.𝘝.

One week. 

One week full of tears, sleepless nights, restless days, unbearable nausea, morning sicknesses, feebleness and unutterable exhaustion. 

I closed the bakery, covered Adana's and Susan's salaries for this and next month before ending their contracts, paid bills and taxes and most of all - I sold the house. The received money helped me to cover a bit of the debt and provide all payments for Ad and Susan. 

The rest of the money I have to save up for my baby: my little purpose who should have everything she or he would like. 

Due to having sold the house, which needed a lot of expenses, I moved into an apartment. It is nothing much, really: a small bathroom, one bedroom, tiny kitchen with living room, tiny attic and miniature entryway. The walls are plain white, minimum of household appliances, one window in the bedroom and one window in the living room. It is not the best, but it is by far the cheapest option, 2 000 pounds per month and the landlord said that the bills are not much here, which is good. The centre is very far from here, around an hour and a half by bus, but that's fine, I can manage somehow. The neighbourhood is green, small and quiet. 

I want to turn the bedroom into a nursery. The room isn't grand by any means, but it is bright and big enough for the idea. I am slowly thinking of the ways I could design it and making a list of what I need. I won't deny that it is a tough task for me since I have never done such things, but it's okay, I will learn. 

I saved the most important items from my auntie, everything she loved the most, and donated the rest, simply because I have nowhere to store it all. I keep those valuable items in the attic, which I cleaned up when I moved in. 

Everything is hard for me now, too overwhelming and hurtful, but I am slowly seeking my balance because I have little treasure growing in me - my precious reason why I must try. 

Today is Monday, September 15th - my first day on a new job: mover. 

I wish I could work in the sphere of architecture, I really do, but nobody wants to hire a 20-year old woman with mere diplomas and no experience. I got multiple declines and deep inside I understand them: once my little bean arrives, I will want to be with my child, therefore, I will ask for maternity leave and a company, probably, has absolutely no interest in hiring me when I will be working actively only for 8 months and then I will be away. 

It hurt to get so many refusals with nobody giving you a chance, they didn't mind anything, except the absence of working experience, but I had to move on.

I found a job in a flower store, which is just across the street from the apartment. I am also a waitress in a cafe that is an hour away on foot from the apartment. These 2 jobs don't pay much, so I had to take up the third job and I have no right to be picky with them. 

Mover isn't what I'd like, but it pays the most and I will work as one on Mondays, Fridays and Saturdays from 6 PM till 9 PM. I will move bags with sugar, flour, and boxes with fruit and vegetables. The company serves restaurants, cafes and supermarkets with the purpose of restocking their goods. 

"You sure you are capable of doing this?"- asked Mr Amerson, eyeing my 5'6 self hesitantly, paying a lot of attention to my thin physic. 

"I will be okay, I promise. I won't let you down."- I assured him, putting on a polite, friendly smile that he accepted, leaving me to work.