𝘐𝘯𝘤𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘴𝘤𝘦𝘯𝘵

𝘛𝘩𝘪𝘳𝘵𝘺-𝘰𝘯𝘦.

𝘊𝘦𝘭𝘦𝘴𝘵'𝘴 𝘗.𝘖.𝘝.

April.

I sighed heavily, worn out and lifeless, yet continued working on a room for my baby boy, doing such things for the first time in my life: screwing in screws, putting furniture up, measuring space, painting walls and fastening nails.

It is late, way past midnight, but it is the only time I have free, therefore, I cannot waste it. 

It was a hard, tiring day - I had 4 shifts and late-night dog walking - and yet, this process brings me some happiness and soothes my all too usual tears and heartache. 

I am 33 weeks pregnant. My belly is big, obvious and very round. My small son is healthy, safe and sound. In spite of me gaining too little weight, mere 50 kilograms, he is well and secure. I am mere weeks away from meeting my tiny lovebug - I am in my 8th month. 

I sat on the small rug, putting the screwdriver down, being done with putting changing table up. My red, tired, pale green eyes looked around the small nursery, my heart hoping that it is enough. 

3 walls I kept white, but one of those walls I painted deep, rich blue and with white paint, I drew April-May sky of constellations and small stars. Delicate, white crib with a small mobile that has dainty, soft stars and moon. Crisp white sheets with tiny textured constellations on them. 

White changing table near a window, besides which I added a little shelf for dainty, plush toys and decor figures in the shapes of giraffe and elephant. A little wardrobe with a matching, miniature dresser next to it. A soft, white, fluffy, round rug near a crib and changing table. 

Very simple and minimal, but God, I did it with so much care and love. I didn't sleep, I saved up so much to make this room as cosy and beautiful as I could and I can only hope that my little treasure likes it.

I wiped away my tear, letting out a small smile as my sweetie kicked, being so active at night. 

"I hope you will like your room, my little world."- I whispered softly, having so many things to buy yet. 

His wardrobe is still empty: those 2 onesies and 3 PJs that Adana got him are all I have so far. Hygiene items, diapers, blankets, bottles, wipes, powder for diapers and other things are yet to be purchased. 

I doubt I will be able to buy a stroller in the next months - its minimal price isn't something I can handle right now. A baby carrier will, highly likely, be my main way of transporting my little son. A lamp is also a struggle - I don't have money for it. For now, there is a delicate nightlight in a spade of a lovely lion. 

I took a deep breath, struggling to stand up on my own with a big belly now, but it's something I am slowly getting accustomed to, just like to being extra exhausted, having sore feet and back, regular backache, struggling to tie shoelaces and to bend down to pick something up. 

But I must manage. It will be fine. 

My hand rested on a wall as I carefully bent down to pick the screwdriver and manuals up. I put them in a drawer, where I keep things for fixing the apartment: brushes, nails, screwers, pins and similar. I swept the floor and slowly moved on to dusting the furniture. 

I leaned on the dresser, taking deep breaths to keep my emotions bottled up and ignore the soreness of my body. 

I learnt how to numb the hunger and cravings - I will learn how to numb the soreness too. 

After some 10 minutes, the nursery was tidied up and I finally sat down. 

I rested my chilly feet on the sofa, sighing as I rubbed them with my cold hands, soaking up the mere sense of relief that was too little, yet so intense, as if painful, triggering a few tears. 

I put my hand on the sofa, leaning on the side more to stand up. I approached my small dresser and got myself a 3rd pair of socks before sitting down and wearing them. I unfolded the covers and laid down carefully, resting my head on a pillow. 

My worn-out eyes fluttered close in a matter of seconds and I slowly drifted off to slumber, taking those left mere hours before my alarm rings at the usual to me 6 AM and calls me to work.