𝘐𝘯𝘤𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘴𝘤𝘦𝘯𝘵

𝘚𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘺-𝘰𝘯𝘦.

𝘕𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵, 02:00.

𝘈𝘭𝘦𝘴𝘴𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘳𝘰'𝘴 𝘗.𝘖.𝘝.

I turned on my back, my mind full of thoughts, and smiled when Celest scooted towards me, snuggling into me purely. I kissed her forehead gently and tucked her in better before cuddling her tighter to myself, her small, beautifully manicured hand resting on my chest.

My knuckles brushed over her little cheek as I just laid by her side, unable to sleep. 

All I can think of is that it has been a year.

A whole year. 

Fuck...A whole year. It feels surreal. 

To only think that I am here now: happily married to the love of my life, who blessed me with our baby boy and is bearing our twins. 

Only a year ago everything seemed black: I nearly lost the only good, the only light in my life because of my fears and inability to say how I really felt and amnesia that felt like a fog that covered the only sweet, pure moments of my life. I used to smoke and leash my anger out on everything around me. Everything about me seemed dangerous, bad, dark and hellish. 

It took only 1 angel to change everything.

1 pure, tender, selfless, gentle, captivating angel changed everything and granted me 1 and now 2 more blessings, miracles, all 4 of them being now the reason why I wake up, smile, laugh, live for and work on myself.

And now, just in 2 more hours and 20 minutes, on this day, May 19th, at 04:30 our baby boy, our firstborn child, was born. 2 kilograms and 600 grams and 51 centimetres.

A tiny little boy, who taught me more than I could ever learn from any book.

If not for Tomie, I would have never ever known I had so, so, so much tenderness, patience and love in me. If not for my tiny prince, I would have never known I could be worthy of and feel such a winsome kind of love. If not for my son, I would have never known that I can do anything and way beyond that for him, for his tiny baby brothers and for his angelic mum. 

It is crazy how much just 1 small, precious soul can change 1 grown-up man and that's a blessing I will always count way more than a dozen times.

I cannot wait to show our boy what his sweet mamma and I planned for his first birthday. 

A big, beaming smile crept upon me as I only pictured our little gentleman's reaction to the surprises we have for him. 

Cazzo, I want to hug him. 

"Mhm."- hummed my sweetheart sleepily, waking up as our small son seemed to wake up. 

"Shh, sleep, mia bella cara. I will look after our boy."- I whispered to Celest, lovingly kissing her forehead as she nodded, delicately caressing my chest. 

I got up and tucked her in adoringly before going to our son's nursery, which is right in front of our bedroom. 

"Ciao, mio piccolo universo."- I said warmly, smiling when my little blessing beamed sleepily, reaching with his small arms to me.

I gently, carefully picked Tomasso up in my arms, losing control of my emotions once he laid his little face in my neck, his tiny arms around my neck, his touch way softer than a feather. 

"Non hai idea di quanto io ti voglio bene, mio figlio piccolo."- I whispered to my son, my heart squirming and fluttering as he nuzzled into me, smiling when I kissed his cheek. (You have no idea how much I love, my little son.)