The umbrella academy: In which Five gets all the love he deserves

Untitled Part 79

Five didn't want to do it. He doesn't even know why he did it in the first place. Because he was depressed? Because he wanted to feel something? Because he wanted to end his life at that point? He doesn't know. You see. Months since he had been stuck in that wretched world Five had picked a not-so-healthy hobby. It started without him wanting to. Five stumbled through the deserted streets, he was thirsty and hungry. The jacket on him was making it worse because it attracted heat. He made sure that his mouth was covered as he continued to stumble. He hadn't eaten or drunk anything in 2 days already. The provisions he had made a week ago are over and now he needs to go and search for more if he wants to survive. Which is hard. He's all alone with no one to help him.

As he continued to walk, he lost his balance and he fell on his hands and knees. He fell in front of a shop, which had his windows shattered and there were shards everywhere on the ground. Including where he had fallen too. Five hissed and he raised his hands to see small shards in his palms. He was about to pull them out when he stopped as he become fascinated with the blood that was pouring from his palms. At that moment he didn't feel pain anymore. But some sweet release.

That was the day when he had discovered the art of cutting. He always kept a knife or a glass shard with him wherever he was going and every time he felt the need to do it he cut his hands. But always making sure that they were not too deep. Until one day. It had probably passed a couple of years. Who keeps count anyway? So yeah. Probably been a couple of years, since he was there. And let me tell you. It didn't get any easier. But it's harder and harder with every day that pass. On that day he felt like nothing mattered anymore. He already had enough of his hell. He barely eats something or has some water to drink. And he can focus on his equations anymore. Everything was pointless. So he grabbed the knife and he cut his wrist deep enough. He lay down on the ground and waited for the sweet embrace of death as he bleed. He almost died that day. But Dolores snapped at him, remembering how important he was to her and she didn't want to lose him. She doesn't want to be alone. And how there's a small chance that he could return to his siblings and save them and how he needs them. And fortunately, he listened to her, gained all his remaining courage and stopped the bleeding, and patched his wounds. From that day on he promised that he would be more careful. But he won't stop. Because he can't stop.

================================================================================

He did stop. Years later when he was recruited by the Commission. He had been way too busy working for them and focusing on his equations to let his mind spiral and return back to his old habits. Or maybe as he grew older he grew out of his habits. Which one was it doesn't matter. Then he had managed to travel back in 2019. And not only did he get stuck in his 13-year-old body. But with his body comes that thoughts and urges again.

He had tried to ignore them, saying that stopping the Apocalypse was more important. But he couldn't. Not when he doesn't have any clue who was the cause of the Apocalypse or when his siblings act like assholes around him, blame him for everything, and call him selfish. He thought that they would be happy to see him again after all this time. He sure was, even if he didn't show it. But they weren't. Not even Viktor with whom he had been the closest. So he returned back to his old habits of cutting. 

The same happened in the '63 as well. Everything was too much. The stress. His assholes siblings, who again, decided that blaming him was more easy, even though they weren't blameless. Who couldn't even come to a destination in time after he had done all the dirty work for them. Who are all ungrateful. Who he had seen dying again. They managed, in the end, to go back home in their timeline. But they almost didn't. So everything that happened this past two weeks, Because that's how much it had been for him. 2 weeks. Not3 years. It was normal for him to return to his bad habits.