Sex, Crϋe and Ratt 'N' Roll, A Ratt & Mӧtley Tale

Chapter 5- The Deal of A lifetime (Robbin Crosby)

Nikki, it all goes back to Nikki....as I see it, or really that fateful September night back in 83', when Nikki and I met....and boy did we MEET. Despite, being drunk as a fucking skunk....i still remember every moment....and I'd prided myself then, that I was the ONLY one that could bring Nikki Sixx as he was known then to his KNEES. We fucked in a bathroom stall, and I ain't telling you where else we've done it now, as you can imagine.... We are let's say adventurous. That night changed so many lives.... for better for a time and then for worse.... Worse is me being polite. In the end, you know where Nikki and I end up....but what it took to get there, I fucking regret the shit I did back in the day to Nikki, it haunts me. Anyway to lay it down for you, it lead to Mӧtley pushing for us to get checked out, to get signed....and part of me then hoped to see Nikki again. Nikki was unforgettable, he IS. Back then, God listen to me saying that yet AGAIN, BUT.... then, all I cared about...thought about was SEX, sex with Nikki....dominating him....that's all we ever did when we ended up reuniting and I made the biggest mistake of my life, one of them: I introduced him to Heroin, I alienated him from his friends, his band.....I, got him addicted.....and he didn't admit it then, and neither did I....that we loved each other, now thinking about it....I saw it, but I was too wrapped up in Heroin. And the other Mistake? Well, I abandoned him....and screamed at him on another fateful night in 85', to get rid of our son....i was so cold, I broke him....i broke him, I didn't want our son or so I'd thought, I was scared.....i didn't know how to tell Nikki, it was the drugs yes....but I was WRONG. I wasn't with him for his pregnancy with our son, our first child.... i dived deeper into the pit, Nikki had no choice but to get sober....no, he did it for our son.......My fate, my overdose....very easily could have been Nikki.....but where I begin my part of my story is with my band: Ratt, in a conference room at the record label: April 12, 1984....for a deal of a life time.

I never thought I'd find myself here of all places......signing a record deal, a deal of a lifetime. One of my greatest dreams is coming true. Stephen and I are taking things in.... both of us nodding seriously, Warren is writing notes or rifts, or both but he is paying attention.... Bobby and Juan, keep sneaking kisses...French kisses, keep it in the fucking bedroom.... jeesh, like we ALL don't know what they're doing.

And to think we owe it to the Gods of the Sunset strip: Mӧtley Crϋe....the world's most notorious band, and they have QUITE the reputation....and a hell of a killer sound.....and one member in particular for Me as provided SO much inspiration for songs: Nikki Sixx. I can proudly say, that I brought him to his knees....fucking his brains out, taking him apart piece by piece....and....i cant get him out of my mind.....and I am getting turned on as hell just THINKING about it.

I've been so lost in my thoughts, and now shifting uncomfortably at my boner....that I realize its time to sign, contracts....me desperate to get the boring shit out of the way so I can relieve myself.....and at last, its done....pictures are taken and we all linger around....well, Warren, myself and Stephen as Juan and Bobby took off....practically making tire tracks.....

"Guess they're gonna do a SPECIAL kind of celebrating." Warren remarks, smirking and shaking his head both, I squirm and he...shit, he notices. Stephen has that knowing look damn him watching with amusement. "Speaking of which...you wanna do some private celebrating dontcha?"

I glare and roll my eyes....

"Hmm.... could it be your MUSE.... Nikki Sixx?" Stephen's tone is sly, and highly.... HIGHLY amused.

Great, this makes it even more obvious just HEARING his name.... only turns me on more....

"Whatever." I huff, unable to take it any longer and high tale it to the bathroom and barely get my pants down in time, so I can do some serious 'private celebrating' as Warren so eloquently put it....its long, its messy and I am SURE the whole building hears me as I scream out Nikki's name....and I can't find it in myself to care.

After coming down from my high and it taking forever practically to clean myself....i exit the bathroom, to find Stephen and Warren both waiting for me.

A huge smirk plastered on both their faces....

"What?!.... dude I know!" I snap.

"I don't ever think we've seen you move that fast.... we could hear you scream down the hall." Stephen remarks, laughing. Well two can play at this....

"Don't THINK I haven't heard YOU scream a certain lead screamers name, getting off in the bathroom." I counter and am rewarded with his face turning fire engine red. "Body talks right?" I add on unable to resist.

Warren gets some good ribs in before we head out, Bobby and Juan still MIA.....and we do some celebrating as a band, which means a wild time....of sex, drugs and Ratt 'n' Roll.....

The evening becomes a blur....and before I know it, I find my thoughts careening out of control....all over the place. Finding myself, thinking of Nikki.... what I could do to him. It was an interesting day to say the least, a deal of a lifetime.... would it lead to us encountering one another again? I'd LOVE a repeat performance if you will....and to take him apart piece by piece in the best of ways....

I didn't want to admit to myself...didn't see....there was more than just mind blowing sex Nikki and I had in common, there was a connection. We had chemistry....it was more than that, but I shall fall....for a time and not in a good way....

My thoughts then drift to coming life changes, a record deal, the demo, recording an album.....and then they drift back to Nikki....and I fall asleep and into the most bitter-sweet of dreams....

I look and feel I've just been thru the ringer....pain....run-down, something to do with drugs....I think, and its fucking bitter-sweet as hell, I 'died' it seems, and it was too late that I now seem to see the light...despite protests I find myself on shaky ground, my feet carrying me towards a nursery....and I am so scared....so lost, and before I know it I find myself, holding a baby boy....who looks exactly like me, but has those eyes....like jade, Nikki's eyes.....its our son....and the guilt of what I've done, abandoned....only grows as I attempt to at first, scared to fuck up further...to get out of holding the little boy....and I can neither hold back my tears nor my protest as they amazingly, watching me of course like a hawk, let me hold the little boy whom it seems is fussy....Nikki named him....after me....

"He NAMED you after me....Kingston....i lost him....and I lost you....I am so SORRY....so fucking sorry.....i told him to get rid of you....i was fucked up on drugs, scared...drowning....i was SO cold...so cold, I overdosed....he was right, everyone was right....look what I've done....i could have killed you...him....and its my fault. I didn't know how to ask for help....that I was scared to become a father....i was WRONG saying or thinking I didn't want you...want your mother....i am sorry.....i left you, I didn't feel you move....i wasn't THERE for you....and now, I need help....i have to get help and so I would be leaving you...AGAIN. I've caused so much damage....it will take a long time to heal if I can heal at all things between you mom and I....i love him....I LOVE HIM....but all we'd done was make love, he wanted more....and in the end or deep down so did I. I must do better now son.... I HAVE to no matter how long it takes; I see what I've lost, what I could still lose. Forgive me Kingston.... forgive me. I love you and I didn't think I would.... or maybe I did, and I didn't know it.... but I love you so much, my little boy....my son."

A/N: Ratt has been signed.... Robbin had his say.... some humor, spice.....heartbreak and a taste of things that are still yet to come. Stay tuned!