Sex, Crϋe and Ratt 'N' Roll, A Ratt & Mӧtley Tale

Chapter 58-Forever my Heart and Soul part 1 (Robbin-Crosby)

November 10, 1986.... how could I EVER forget that date, that special.... perfect date? For it is the day that I married the man that became and always was the greatest love of my life even when I didn't see. Nikki and I had been thru some shit, both apart and together.... I'd been a bastard, a selfish one...the typical rockstar, I got addicted to heroin GOT NIKKI addicted then abandoned him, screaming at him to get rid of our son...as it turned out our precious son whom I never could have imagined I'd love so much. I wasn't there for Nikki, I didn't know how or want to ask for the help I desperately needed, I drove a wedge between Nikki and Vince, I did so much damage....i killed myself, I did such terrible things that still haunt me at times to this day....my point is, I finally saw the light with my 'death' and would come to earn Nikki's heart, his trust, his forgiveness...his LOVE. FOR I WOULD fall, he and I would fall together, deeper in love....

Which leads us back to November 10, 1986.... a day, no one could have at one point in time see coming, when Nikki and I MARRIED....

I never thought, I'd live to see this...LIVE this, want this....me, Robbin Crosby getting married to my other half: Nikki Sixx...well officially now, Nikki Crosby-Sixx, hearing that, thinking his new name DOES things to me, good things. Now it's my son and I sharing a moment as I get him ready, I am already dressed and ready to go, make-up included. One more thing: Vince is here with me and Stephen, having rotated between Nikki and I...Nikki, whom I miss dearly...and Vince's morning sickness is at bay for now....

"You excited Kingston? Hmm?" Kingston giggles as I attempt to comb his hair, he's inherited Nikki's forever untamable locks. "Mommy and daddy are getting married today, it's very special...so special."

Kingston's eyes fairly glow, Nikki's much beloved eyes.... Finally, I get his hair combed, Kingston wearing a mini version of the suit I'm wearing, a red bandana like the one I've worn on stage holding his hair back, rock 'n' roll chic baby style.

"There now you're perfect." I tell him, me hardly believing he's 9 months old now, it hits me how fast he's growing. "I love you son."

"Da-da!!" I blink, taken aback, wondering if I am hearing things but it happens again, and I desperately try and hold back tears at his little voice once more saying, "da-da!"

"Kingston! Oh god, you talked...you TALKED. Wow, wait till mommy hears about this! And...wow, I'm your first word." My voice cracks, being so emotional.

"I'm not surprised, Kingston is crazy about you man." Vince pipes up, "Fucker." He mutters affectionately, which I KNOW sounds weird, but anyway...," That's SO special, so special..." Vince bursts into tears as Stephen then soothes him......

Next thing I know: Its TIME....and I find myself standing at the end of the aisle.... friends, no family on either side of me, my son being held by Stephen. Warren is sitting with Tommy and his twins, everyone is here....me hardly believing this is all real, A very pregnant Paul Mars-Stanley leaning against Mick, with their daughter Hope....so much love....and I eagerly await MY love....

This is a scene out of a fairy tale: a red carpet, scattered with multi-colored rose petals, a breeze stirring said petals.... trees strung with lights, candles.... a gothic but no less beautiful fairy tale, reminding me of Nikki.... the music changing now, and I hold my breath and then lose it completely, for I SEE: Nikki....

Nikki holding a bouquet of roses matching the scattered petals, cheeks flushed from more than just the make up he's perfected, his jet-black hair wild and swaying in the breeze.... his suit matching mine.... time has stood still and after an eternity he reaches me, and I take his hands in mine.

And I am at a loss for words but after a seeming eternity I whisper, "You look.... like a fallen angel, so beautiful. Baby, I've really missed you..."

Nikki blushing holding back tears chokes out, "You look.... i mean wow..." Nikki at a loss for words and before we get started, I must tell him...

"Nikki...Kingston TALKED.... i swear he...said da-da." I whisper, Nikki's jaw drops.

"He did...wow...I'm not surprised. He loves you." I swear Kingston KNOWS we're talking about him for he pipes up clear as day...

"Hey mama!" and gives a little wave, which is followed by a chorus of 'awes." Fucking adorable as hell.

Nikki chokes out a wet laugh, "Hey buddy, daddy and I are getting married...I'm SO happy you talked. Love you."

"Mama! Wuv!" Kingston waves again and Nikki and I wave back, touched to our cores....and Nikki and I are once more in our own world, my heart threatening to burst in a good way...feeling like I could fly as the officiant begins speaking. Nikki and I can't tear our gazes from one another, tears squeeze down our cheeks, over come with emotion and FINALLY its TIME: for the vows and I take a deep breath and go first, giving in fully to my tears...it being a wonder Nikki can understand me, but he DOES....

"Nikki.... we met 3 years ago, a lifetime ago in the most unconventional way." I begin, pausing Nikki silently telling me 'Its ok." Before I continue, "I could never get you out of my head no matter what I did, I wouldn't admit to myself for so long...that I wanted to see you. And then, we once again met....and I didn't know I never knew, it was love at first sight.... but I did shit that I wish to God I could take back, I hurt you.... bad, I got off on dominating you. I got you addicted to Heroin; I was so beyond selfish.... i was an asshole to say the least, it was my way. I got lost, and I didn't know how to ask for help, didn't want it. Then came that hot July night, I made yet another of the worst mistakes of my life...I told you, that I didn't want our son...it was the drugs, but still. I abandoned you.... i spiraled further and I didn't realize just how much you held me together until.... I DIED. Nikki, the last thing I thought of was you....i SAW you, I made you go into labor with our son, and....when I came to....i realized everyone had been right about me. AND Kingston..." I paused sobbing, "The moment I held him in my arms, I fell in love with him. I wanted...to be better for him, and moreover YOU. To be the man you deserve, you NEED. We fell in love for real, I fell hard for you Nikki and I never ever thought I'd be here with you, be ALIVE, and spend the rest of my life with you at my side. You and our son are my absolute world babe. I love you, God.... i love you." Weeping without shame, not giving a shit if my make-up is ruined.

"Robbinson Lantz Crosby." Nikki begins using my full name, "As you said, how we met....it was unconventional. And you weren't the only one that didn't want to admit their feelings. I spent a lifetime before you, being abused...used. Then we met again, you got me addicted...it was always about you, I felt that I was never more than that to you. Heroin strange as it is to say, ended up saving my life, because I had to get clean.... I had to do it for Kingston. I was so alone, part of me always wished things were different during the darkest period of my life, you still never left my mind....and then, then you DIED and that really broke me. Still, I loved you, I hated you and I loved you.... Now, I love you even more. You got clean, you stepped up for our son and are a devoted father, I gave you another chance....and here we are, I fell in love with you all over again. I am YOURS, heart, mind, body, and soul. I love you Robbin, come hell or high water and together we can get through anything. I am...honored and excited to take this journey with you, I love you babe...I love you."

Fucking finally, we're pronounced married, and I pull Nikki to me, to the sounds of cheers and tears as I kiss my...husband, on cloud 9...overcome with emotion and love...so much love....and after parting for air, I hold Kingston in between Nikki and I, together OUR family sharing in this moment, me resting my forehead against my Husband's.

"We did it, Nikki.... we did it my HUSBAND." I whisper.

"My husband, my love...my KING." Nikki whispers back.... Kingston coos between us, he like us is happy, so happy....

A/N: Part 1 of Robbin and Nikki's wedding, part 2 is coming soon, so stay tuned.