Sex, Crϋe and Ratt 'N' Roll, A Ratt & Mӧtley Tale

Chapter 77-A Bitter-Sweet but Beautiful Birth (Nikki Crosby-Sixx)

August 6, 1987.... a date forever seared into my memory. For Aug. 6 of 87? Mine and Robbin's second child and daughter were born on that date. 1987 could have gone VERY differently at one point in time...Robbin could have been gone and I feel that if I hadn't've gotten pregnant with Kingston then I too would have spiraled without him.... but anyway, Frankie's birth.... was beautiful and so fucking bitter-sweet because it brought back memories of Kingston's birth and the pain that had went with that. However, with Frankie, I wasn't alone.... i was in pain yes, but not mentally...thinking I'd lost the man that I loved so much and hated so much at one point in time. I had Robbin, right there by my side...he was THERE. He cried, I cried...we did so together....

I am in sheer fucking misery! I am huge, everything HURTS...and I've been having cramps, mild ones all day, Robbin wanted to rush me to the hospital, but I told him it wasn't time. He listened, though I could tell it put him on edge, hell it put ME on edge. It is late, Robbin is putting Kingston back to bed AGAIN after Kingston climbed OUT of his toddler bed, but Kingston too is worried about me. And another thing is that I have maybe said 2 words today, leaving Robbin to take care of me and our son and that makes me feel guilty. My hands are on my huge swollen stomach now, I am in pain...in tears and I hiss as suddenly my stomach tightens hard, practically taking my breath....

And as if on cue, a very frantic Robbin comes in and I reach desperately for him....

"HURTS." I gasp/moan out. Robbin rubs my stomach and gradually it stops, and the tears fall even more so than before and I can't look at my husband right now, I just...feel guilty and afraid that is until he cups my face in his hands, he too is in tears.

"Hey, look at me...Nikki, I know it hurts and you've been so quite because you feel miserable and guilty leaving me to do everything. Baby, I am HERE.... i love taking care of you and our son and now our daughter...I am HERE...alive. And I know you are afraid, I promise you it will be ok...I fucking swear to you, and I believe we will meet our little girl soon, so I wanna get you to the hospital and I..."

I cut him off frantically, "B-But...i-I...."

"No buts Nikki, I will have someone take Kingston...Juan and Bobby are closest to our house." Robbin quickly dials them and from what I gather, they are on their way and no sooner than Robbin hangs up that my water breaks, gushing out of me before I can do anything else, and I can't fucking move....

"I-I...my WATER broke!" I wail, clutching my stomach..., "—SHIT!" Sobbing now.

And then things start to get hazy, a voice desperately asking/pleading for me to be ok....crying from me, my son....i can't tell, all I DO know is I am out of it and the next things I realize is I am in the hospital, clad in a gown and am hit with a mother-fucker of a contraction, sobbing AND out of BREATH.

I vaguely feel my hands grabbed, tightly but gently.... I know these hands!!!

"Shh, its ok...I've got you...I've got you; it will pass...it will pass." ROBBIN, its him.... Where is my son? What, what happened? Robbin is in tears, that I can tell.... god, this is fucking bittersweet...still once again his voice comes thru, "—I'm scared Nikki, I can't lie to you...so damn scared, but you need me and THIS time I am here, I ain't going anywhere and Kingston is ok, guys showed up not long after you left the planet awhile, ambulance not long after that. but I need you to know that I love you so much."

Finally, the contraction passes, and I lay back spent already and tears stream down my face as my husband at last comes into Focus and he holds me, that I know and see now.

"I love you bear-bear." I whisper, "It.... It means so much to me that you are here...."

"I know." His voice cracks, "I wish I hadn't have missed this before, scared as I am.... this, I mean...its beautiful too to me, because of YOU. And I have some news, so like Juan word has it is pregnant."

"Bout time." I quip before the worry and emotion comes back, "Frankie, ok?" Hands now, my lover's hands upon my stomach.

"Ok as she can be...I never knew how scary this all was, but its fucking beautiful too."

Truer words have never been spoken...the past HURTS, but this time...I am not alone, and I never will be again....

The Hours that pass by are long and painful, Robbin stays right by my side and I can't get over that, I munch on ice like its going out of style, I nearly break my husband's hands during my contractions and he never once complains...he just takes care of me, doing what he can to keep me cool and otherwise: like pulling my hair back, getting me to walk some and despite me being covered in sweat, exhausted and face red from exertion....Robbin looks at me in HIS way: A look of awe, wonder....love and his gaze makes me weak in the knees.

At one point during a brief 'contraction' interlude if you will, I ask my husband.... scared.

"D-Do you think I can do this? I... I...am scared, so scared."

"Nikki, listen to me babe...you are the strongest, bravest person I have ever known. I KNOW you can do this; WE can do this." Robbin replied, managing to ground me....

Before long, its time to push...Robbin is much like me an emotional mess, yet too is my absolute rock, as we share a look and I bear down screaming....

"HOW THE FUCK DID I FORGET HOW MUCH THIS SHIT HURTS!!!"

I push some more, for awhile and FINALLY Frankie's head comes out.... Robbin sobs...

"Nikki.... god, I never knew this could hit you where it hurts...like in a good way, its...its amazing. Come on babe, she's almost here...almost here."

"i-I love you..." I managed to gasp, out of breath.

"I love you More."

After a fucking eternity, Frankie Nicole Crosby-Sixx slides out, wailing and waving her fists in the air.

"She's...she's.... god.... beautiful! Robbin, Robbin LOOK...we did this." I sob, laughing and crying both.

"We did babe, we did.... Nikki, I am so fucking proud of you.... THANK YOU." Robbin kisses me carefully, Frankie is taken to be cleaned...measured and I pass the afterbirth and fucking finally, Frankie is in my arms, feeling the warmth of my chest in awe of the little girl in my arms.

"You were right Robbin, she DOES look like us both...she's got your lips though, and I feel like she will inherit your 'smolder' prowess." Softly and amused on the last part.

Robbin smirks, "But you LOVE that about me..." He softens his tone gently running a hand through our daughter's wispy yet wild hair. "I can't believe that I was here for this, I wouldn't trade how I feel about you and our daughter right now for the world. She's a beautiful girl and our son.... god, seeing him for the first time...well its like NOW, love at first sight." Frankie fusses, squirming and opens her eyes...and they are Robbin's eyes.

"She has your eyes bear-bear, we have another little heart breaker here." Frankie coos.

"Seems like she agrees." Robbin is amused and speaks to our daughter, "Hey princess, its daddy. I hope you know how much I love you and how much it means to me that I am here and alive.... i can't wait for you too meet your older brother, he's been so excited to meet you...so have mommy and I. you don't know just how much." Frankie coos some more.

"Daddies girl already." I rock her carefully and I speak to her, "Frankie Nicole...daddy named you; you know...after me. He loves all of me, past and present. Welcome to this world sweet girl, you, and your brother both have me wrapped around your little fingers." Carefully I kiss her forehead, and then I feel Robbin's lips on mine, and I am on top of the fucking world, I tell you now.

A/N: Frankie Nicole Crosby-Sixx is here!! Next chapter will see a time skip before we get to the final chapters.