The Conflicts Of Heart (MxGxM)

17. Those damned intrusive thoughts

The main song of this chapter is "Starboy" by The Weeknd.

Amelia

I was paralyzed with fear. My face was sickly pale and my breathing came out in hurried and fast pace. I could feel Mr. Rizzo's gaze on my face, though I choose not to focus on that. My hands were trembling with fear

Mr. Rizzo squatted down to meet my height, his eyes were now filled with....concern? No, why would he be concerned. It's not like I have known him for long. For gods sake, he just got to know what my name was.

'He would find us, he does it everytime. God he is going to punish us by giving the worst beating ever faced', Tears of helplessness, frustration and sorrow came into my eyes. Mr. Rizzo's brows scrunched together in confusion and worry. Still he hasn't spoken a word, and I was grateful for that, I did not ant him to criticize or judge me. His one hand gripped my shoulders in a gently and soothing grip while the other reached to wiped the tears from my cheek which I did not even know fell.

I flinched as his hands came near me, he froze in his place, hand still in the mid air. He face was masked with hurt. His beautiful emerald eyes searching my face for any clue whatsoever, about what could have caused this reaction out of me.

I lowered my head in shame, shame of my body reacting to the contact of another human, shame of my mind for not being strong enough to face it all, shame of my habit to cut cut myself everytime after an episode. I cried even more.

He looked as if he was retraining himself from touching me, to calm me down. His eyes searched mine, seemingly looking for permission to hold me. But I did not let him. I could not show myself to someone at my lowest of point, he shouldn't see my like this, where I was the most vulnerable.

Because that's what people do, first they make you trust them, make you feel safe and secure, make you believe that they are never leaving you, make you believe that they are your forever person, but when you need them the most, they would turn their back on you and walk around you like you were nobody to them. And this is the worst feeling in the world. 

Spongebob gave us the reality card when he said that, 'Trusting you is my choice, proving me wrong is yours'. This quote strung a core deep inside me. Looking at the man in front of me, my mind said that I should not trust anyone and stay as far away as I can.

But my heart?

That traitor said to trust the people who are there with me right now, especially this greek god crouching in front of me. Patiently waiting for me to say something...... anything.

I should do the right thing and listen to my head, but for once in my life I want to loose free and do as I please, even if it includes some terrible ideas, at least I'll have something to remember in future. So what did I do? I made the terribly decision of all time and decided to trust him.

Not entirely, just enough to feel safe. "I am fine sir, thank you for....just being here", I said in a small voice, which he heard just perfectly based on the small smile dancing on his lips. His nice, plump and rosy lips.

'No, nope, never.....don't go there ever!', I mentally scolded myself.

"Very well then, I want to talk to someone, just know that I am there to talk", he said in his deep masculine voice, which was comforting and tender. I nodded. The tension on my shoulders relieved a little. 

He stood up, reaching out a hand to help me get up. I wiped my tears and grabbed his hands. Sparks of electricity coursed through me due to this innocent yet euphoric contact. His rough hand felt perfect in my small and smooth hand. His was larger and mine was smaller, yet they fit perfectly together.

'Don't. Fucking. Go. There!', my consciousness yelled inside my head. And for once I decided to actually listen to her.

I dusted the dirt off my clothes and grabbed my bag from the ground, all the while his eyes focused on my. "You must have classes, let's go.", he said, jerking his head in the direction of the backdoors. I complied and walked behind him. He opened the door and waited for me to get in first.

As I passed by him, the smell of pepper and sandalwood invaded my nostrils. I inhaled as discreetly as possible. God...he smelled heavenly. Like the cool breeze coming from the sea shore or the earthy smell coming after rain. 

If I could I would smell him forever, okay...and that came out super weird. I shook my head and started walking in the direction, trying to clear my head from those intrusive thoughts; keyword, trying.

I wanted t take a peel and look behind me, to see if he was still there, just one glance won't hurt...right? Oh how wrong I was, because the moment I turned around I found him standing in the middle of the hall in front of his office door, when all of a sudden a tall raven came and kissed him on the lips.

On the fucking lips?! A pang of hurt shot towards my heart, the kiss was too painful to watch.

She had her arms tangled around his neck, while he stood stiff as a rock, his eyes wide open, his hands strictly by his side. Why isn't he kissing her back? Surely a random girl wouldn't just come and start a makeout session with him, he doesn't look that approachable no matter how good handsome he looks.

Just as I was about to start thinking more about it, he got into his senses and pulled her closer by her waist, one hand tangled in her hair, and the other tilting her head back to deepen the kiss.

All the while, staring deep into my eyes.