The Conflicts Of Heart (MxGxM)

65. Continue where we left off

The main song of this chapter is "Past lives" by Borns.

Amelia

I think that no one in this world has never not experienced the feeling called regret.

Regret is basically that one damned emotion which makes you beat up your head and think a thousand times that what crawled up your ass that you did or said that one thing which no matter what you do, you can't take back.

Marcel Zeelenberg, a scholar of economic psychology and behavioral economics, defines regret as "the negative, cognitively based emotion that we experience when realizing or imagining that our present situation would have been better had we acted differently. I think that the man knew what it felt, that he had done something so unthinkable that he had to know what it actually meant.

Whether it be regret over not expressing love to someone who you can't get back. Regret over not studying enough for the exam in which you failed. Regret over not trying hard enough. Regret over saying something bad. Regret over hurting someone. Regret over not standing up for yourself.

Regret. Regret. Regret.

And that's precisely what I was feeling right now.

I know that it wasn't on a whim, my descision to lean in for a kiss. It was driven by all the pent up emotions which I had bottle up even before that kiss in Mr. Rizzo's penthouse. No, it ran way deeper than that.

I didn't realise it then but I was certainly captivated by him the moment I laid eyes on this torturously handsome man. My stupid heart couldn't understand the simple fact that the man was someone I can't have. Actually, make that two. I want two men, for the first time and can't have them

Can't have.

Simple? No. My heart wanted to do things with him that no student should want to do to their teacher. Did a student want to devour their teacher's lips until they ran out of breath?

Did a student want their teacher to rip off their clothes and run their hands all over their body, did they?

Nor did they want to do this to not only one, but two person and both of them their teacher at that.

I was not sane, was I? Absolutely not. If I was, would I be doing the things I am? Would I be fantasizing and lusting after them that I do? Certainly not.

I leaned towards him, eyes closed so I could see his reaction and chicken out. My brain was stupid enough to not convince me that it was not a good idea. But what did it do? Blindly following my heart and throwing all the common sense right of the damn flying plane.

Just as I felt his breath on my lips, just a I was a quarter inches away from experiencing his lips on mine once again, instead I felt his hands on my shoulder, pulling me away from him.

Humiliation.

Rejection.

Embarrassment.

Mortification.

Self loathe.

Anger.

These are the emotions I felt at that moment, and we all know that the mixture of those all together causes nothing but produce a salty liquid in your eyes which would fall any given second if those emotions were felt at the same time. And they did. I felt them.

My eyes immediately started stinging by the urge to bawl my eyes out. My eyes was still close as a lone tear escaped from the traps of my lashes and trodded down my cheeks. I took a step back and turned to leave, suddenly a hand shot out and pulled me into an empty cubicle.