The Conflicts Of Heart (MxGxM)

51. This was a mistake

The main song of this chapter is "Closer" by The Chainsmokers.

Amelia.

He looked at the phone and then at me, he had a frown on his face as if contemplating what to do. He stared at the phone in his hand and then at me, whatever he saw in me made up his mind as he declined the call and threw the phone away on the couch.

I bit my lips to stop from smiling. I admit that I was feeling guilty for doing this with him, on top of this was the fact that he had a girlfriend.

'You mean the one who he doesn't like, judging by the kiss he just gave you?', my inner self said, more like taunted with a huge ass smirk.

I had a turmoil of mixed emotions inside me.

Guilt, bit of anger, confusion, happiness and oh dear god....lust?

"W-why didn't you answer?", I asked him, anticipating and fearing his answer.

"Didn't feel like it", he replied indifferently while sitting on a cushioned chair. His eyes were all of a sudden distant and cold like before. I don't know what changed between our kiss and Sofia's call but something did change. I could feel it in my gut.

Gone was the adoration and gentleness and in came aloofness and detachment.

He looked at me again, giving me a once over and then finally when his eyes met mine I knew what he was going to say. I knew it without him having to say it. 

His blue eyes were like the terrifying of oceans, the one which made you afraid and tempts you at the same time. I have thought about it a hundred times and I will think about it a hundred more, I wanna drown in those magnificent pools of blue orbs, only if they didn't have this harshness or regret.

"This was a mistake", there. He finally said it. He stood up and walked out of the room, without another ords or a backward glance. I wanted to do so much more, I wanted to go after him and demand him that who gave him the right to kiss me, who gave him the right to take away my first kiss and then brush it off as some so called mistake.

I could do nothing but stand frozen in my place, staring at his retreating frame. Wishing only one thing. For him to come back and hold me in his arms like he did and capture my lips in another one of his euphoric kisses. 

I waited for the tears to come, to run down my cheeks only to realize that abandonment was nothing new to me, this feeling was so known and adapted by me that I didn't feel an ounce of shock over it, all I felt was numbness. Nothingness. And Just.....blank.

I don't know how long I stood there, staring at the closed door but after a few minutes Mr. Rizzo came downstairs. I looked over at him and saw him wearing a black t- shirt over some grey sweatpants just like Mr. Hernandez. I trained my eyes over his tall frame, the way his hairs bounced with each step of his, or how he would give me a smile everytime he sees me. How my stomach would flutter in their close proximity.

I knew that I should stop these feelings and forget them considering the fact that I feel it for not one but two people. But I couldn't. No matter how much I try I can't shake off the thoughts or touched of them. 

'Little fighter', someone once called me that. I don't remember his name or face but I do remember that he was the only person who had stood up for me. He was the one who saved my life when it didn't matter at all to my parents. I wish I could meet him once again and thank him for inspiration he gave me. 

No, he didn't say anything inspiring or some sort of pep talk, but that day I knew that I lost all hope and I was gonna slit a blde over my wrist if he didn't come and save me in the moment where I could have actually lost my life.