This Is Amelia Trying- A Tayvis Story

Chapter 9

Amelia woke up the next morning and stared at the ceiling. She didn't know what time it was, but she could tell it was early, the sun was still raising. She stayed quiet the last thing she wanted was Taylor confronting her.

After about an hour she heard the door unlock. She quickly turned away from the door and acted as if she was asleep. "You awake?" Taylor asked when Amelia didn't respond Taylor walked out. Amelia could hear Taylor and Travis talking outside her door. "She is still asleep, I'll leave it open. We are going downstairs so we will hear her if she comes out of her room." "As long as your sure Tay." "I'm not sure Trav, but she needs to feel she can trust us. I didn't want to lock her in last night but it was for her own safety, I wouldn't have slept knowing she could've snuck out at anytime." Amelia was confused she couldn't tell if Taylor genuinely cared or not.

Downstairs Taylor and Travis made their way to the kitchen and started cutting up bacon and mushrooms to make breakfast. "Maybe we should bring her to a doctor." Taylor said sounding genuinely concerned for her health. "Taylor I don't think springing a doctor visit on her is the best idea right now." Travis said referring to the situation the night before. "Travis she didn't eat last night. I know that's my fault but she looks pale as. She won't get better if she continues like this." "Look I'm not going to argue with you, you know her better than I do but all I'm saying is things got heated last night. You are saying we need to build up trust with her. Well I don't think any teenager would be to thrilled about going to talk to a professional about this kind of situation." "I know Travis but there is only so much we can do for her. Please just back me up on this." Travis sighed and nodded to give Taylor his support.

Amelia made her way downstairs. She looked ashamed, she was ashamed of what went down last night. Travis smiled as he saw her. "How did you sleep?" He asked. "Fine." She answered refusing to look at Taylor. Amelia was still mad for being locked in.

"Hey Meals can we try and eat something, you didn't eat dinner last night." Taylor asked gently. "No thank you, I'm not hungry." Amelia answered finally looking at Taylor. Taylor and Travis sighed and looked at each other. "Meals please it's really important that you eat." Taylor said a little more firmly. Amelia didn't speak but it was clear she wasn't going to do as Taylor wanted. "Amelia you need to eat." Taylor said this time it was more of a demand as she put a plate of food in front of her. Amelia pushed it to the side. "Look Amelia I know you are mad at me, but take it out on me a different way. Yell at me, tell me I'm a bitch, but please don't stave yourself even more just to make a point." Taylor begged pushing the plate back in-front of her. Amelia again pushed the plate away and went to left the room. "Amelia sit back down." Taylor told her as Travis blocked her from leaving. She sat back down but refused to look Taylor's way. "Amelia listen to me. You need to eat. I'm not asking you, I'm telling you, you have to eat. If you don't eat you will get sicker and you will have to go into hospital, is that what you want?" Taylor spoke firmly both her and Travis were looking at her trying to make sure she was listening. Amelia shrugged her shoulders and continued to stare at nothing. Amelia still didn't speak but she had tears in her eyes, she knew Taylor was right but looking at the food in front of her made her feel uncomfortably sick. She knew food was a touchy subject for her. She didn't want to admit to them she was having trouble eating when food was available. Joe hadn't been allowing her to eat so she had built up this belief that she didn't need food.

Amelia wiped a tear from her eye and walked out of the room. Travis went to stop her. "Trav just let her go." Taylor spoke. She had realised quickly that Amelia had an unhealthy relationship with food, she didn't want to push her to hard. Taylor and Travis heard Amelia crying in the guest room from the dining table. "Stay here, I'll go talk to her." Taylor said as she got up from her seat.

Taylor made her way up stairs and knocked on the door. Amelia didn't speak. Taylor walking in, closing the door behind her. Amelia was facing the other side of the room so Taylor couldn't see her face. Taylor sat down on the other side of the bed and spoke. "Look Meals, we don't want you to feel forced into anything but you can't keep going like this." Amelia cried knowing she couldn't get out of anything. "I can't." She cried into her hands. Taylor gently put her hand on her back offering support. "Hey do remember Miss Americana?" "No, not really Dad never let me watch it, he claimed it was too adult for me." Amelia said, crying in between each word. "Well how about we watch it. I think it would be good for you to watch." Amelia nodded, wiping tears from her eyes.

Taylor went down stairs to tell Travis what she was doing before she made her way back up to the spare room. Amelia had settled down but she was still staring out the window. Taylor closed the door behind her and got comfortable as she got under the sheets. "Come here." She offered holding her arm out. Amelia surrendered to Taylor and went and got comfortable in bed with her and she opened up Netflix on the TV and put on her film.

About half an hour in the film, the part Taylor really wanted Amelia to see came up. She held her a little more tightly as she watched.

*I've learned over the years... it's not good for me to see pictures of myself every day 'cause I have a tendency, and it's only happened... a few times, and I'm not in any way proud of it, but I get... I tend to get triggered by something, whether it's a picture of me where I feel like I look like my tummy was too big or... or, like, someone said that I looked pregnant or something, and that'll just trigger me to just... s-starve a little bit, just stop eating. I thought that I was just, like, supposed to feel like I was gonna pass out at the end of a show or in the middle of it. I thought that was how it was, and now I realize: no, if you eat food, have energy, got stronger, you can do all these shows and not feel it. Which is... a really good revelation... Bec I'm a lot happier with who I am, and I'm happier with, like... I don't... I don't care as much if, like... somebody points out that I have gained weight. It's just something that makes my life better, the fact that I'm, you know... I'm a size six instead of a size double zero. I mean, that... that wasn't... how my body was supposed to be. I just didn't really... understand that a-at the time. I really don't think I knew it. I would've defended it to anyone who said, "I'm concerned about you." I was like, "what are you talking about? Of course I eat. It's perfectly normal. I just exercise a lot." And I did exercise a lot, but I wasn't eating. And... you can't... I just.... I don't think you know you're doing that when you're doing it gradually. There's always some standard of beauty that you're not meeting. 'Cause if you're thin enough then you don't have that ass that every body wants. But if you have enough weight on you to have an ass, then your stomach isn't flat enough. It's all just... fucking impossible. You don't ever say to yourself, "look, I've got an eating disorder," but you know you're, like, making a list of everything you put in your mouth that day, and you know that's probably not right, but then again, there's so many diet blogs that tell you that that... that that's what you should do. This would cause me to go into, like, a real shame... like, hate spiral. This. And, like, I caught myself yesterday starting to do it, and I was like, "Nope, we don't do that anymore. We do not do that anymore, because it's better to look... to think you look fat than to look sick. And we don't do that anymore, and you just... we're just... we're changing the channel in our brain, and we're not... we're not doin' that anymore. That didn't end us up in a good place."*

Amelia started crying she had no idea Taylor went through this. After all she was too young at the time to understand. "I'm sorry I had no idea." Amelia cried into Taylor's shoulder. Taylor paused the film. She rubbed her back as she spoke. "For a long time no one knew." She said before bring Amelia face up so she could see Taylor's face. Taylor wiped her tears as she spoke again. "Meals I know first hand what you are going through. I know it's hard bub, but accepting help is the first step, you need to take it. It's scary I know but it's the only way you will get better. I'll be right here the entire time." "But it's just... when I look at food. My brain tells me I don't need it. I don't know how to stop it." Amelia admitted finally letting Taylor in on her troubles. "I understand Meals. I don't want to push you but maybe it's an idea that we go to a doctor or a therapist about what you are going through..." Taylor stopped talking when she noticed Amelia starting to panic. "No I can't it's too hard." Amelia said panicking. "Meals I'll be with you the whole time. You will be fine." Taylor said encouraging her to say yes. "No please don't make me, I'll eat I promise." Amelia persisted. "Amelia. We both know you won't. A professional opinion could be really beneficial for you. And it would help, they can help you get enough food to keep you healthy without pushing too hard. I know going to get help especially from a stranger is scary but I went and it really helped." Taylor tried her hardest to convince her. "No, they will just tell me I'm being silly. I don't want too. You can't make me!" Amelia wasn't giving up, she knew going somewhere like that she would be forced to open up. She turned around as she cried. Taylor tried to put her arm around her offering support. "Please leave I want to be alone." Amelia begged. "Amelia listen to me. I get you're scared but you won't get better honey. You can't keep going on this path, it's dangerous for your health." Taylor persisted, "look how about we let it go for now and talk after it a bit later once you've calmed down." Amelia nodded as she just wanted the conversation to end.