Black On White (day by day jernal)

April 10th 2013

I cracked again I'm getting weaker am I nothing I know I'm nothing to u.... Do I mean something to at lest someone, is there someone who cares?no I'm a fuck up I know u have a life now but how the hell can I understand? I can't I've never dated like legit so don't come to help from me and expect me to give u perfect answers all I want to do is listen imagine how great it would be to be you well the happy part the dedicated part not the who ur with we all know who I got my eyes set out on... Lol ..and when I know u read my fb message but never do reply... I give u all my help, but when I'm in need of a friend I'm nothing I mean nothing to u unless u get something out of me weather it's gossip someone to rant to or just so ur not lonely a shoulder to cry on I'm there...but other way around ..no theirs more important people... Ur the only ones I can talk to and I almost deleted u cuz when u google my Instagram name this pops up I can't have that but what would I be without this book it's so depressing but when I'm down somedays I go back and read my past its getting hard to find good days... Theirs non.. Song after song on repeat wanting u back. Now I see people kissing my age or so and I'm like aww it's so simple.. Than I think I'm not actually ready like I can't see myself capible of making out with anyone not even like my biggest crush ever ( Trevor Moran ) like idk what to say but fuck I hate being a teen one second I'm happy creeping out ppl watching them look at my awkwardness funny next I just wanna start cutting myself of joy or stress something I can't see my future my dreams r back to black I try hard not to cry myself to sleep I'm getting to sleep at 12 like normal well last night prob cuz I was to tired from dance last night of my poor poor acro group I can't help but feel like shit I can't even start at all the shit I've been threw here like fuck I'd rather be with stuck up sluts than here! U can't see the tears streaming down my face u can't tell I do my makeup covers my dark eyes my tear streaks and all my pain I can bleach the stress out of my teeth u can't make me look bad only feel bad....well I have all fucking night to right due to my lonely fucking ass going to school to hear all the great story's about how fun it is without me...

I thought shit was getting good but my lonelyness get my face ugly harder to cover.... Self confidence and the way I dress turns grey red apears on my arms in little thin long lines cover half my arms

I love u no need for luv back I know it's fake bitch.

I love u

Please, please don't leave me 😥

✌🍉❤