Black On White (day by day jernal)

october 18/19/20th 2013!

so i just wrote this whole thing like over 900 words and my computer shut down and deleted everything so ill try to rememer it so here we go.....

so you dot even understand how pissed i can get and to think of it this is the worst thing that have ever happened to me. i might not be as pissed as the other worse times bcause ive changed and thats okay... id rather be who i am today not cutting or burning or rippin my hair out im glad that now i can just sit and not be doing things of pain and i cant be the one to jude cuz i have also in my past im just glad that im over that point in my life and thats okay i wish for the best of al of u who are in hard times and need to find an outlet aside from self harm and i hope all goes well for u 

.i just cant believe our generation today to think of how fucking twist some of u little shits r like i would never do suck a sick thing like who the fuck is sitting on ur sholder tellin u to do suck a thing. things will never be the same like im not on to hold a grudge on someone who got in a fight with my friend and was going threw a faise and just hate them like who the hell does that its messed up i tell u! but when u bring it to such an extent like it was okay i guess with the little not so noticable things but making fucking statuses and posts and adding and txting people shit like you did whom name im not goin to say cuz im too fuckin nice like i dident do  or say anythin bad on ur phone now what the fuck ur so fuckin twisted i just dont get it... itll never be the same... u do this to urself! like i thought u would lern the first time but nope u dident and thats fine its not my mistake my mistake was to trust u and everyone else i should have just kept it like normal last year... i understand im a chaned person and thats okay thats perfectly fine but what if i stayed the same... life would be fine no fucking drammal or problems not like i actually give a shit anyways bout the whole boy shit it the people shit that i hate like i hate people knowing as in anyone saying that i shouldent be trusting people i shouldent be trusting anyone and the person has practically ruiened everything and ya u say u threw urself under the bus.... dont even fucking think of blaming me for ur mistake .... there for this boo and all of u will never know who i like or when i like someone so thanks for everything that u did and whom this concerns u will never know again ever anythin i can never trust u againg u took it TOO far! like do u ever think of the conciquences and what ifs and whats gonna happen like shit over think ur shit cuz its gonna come back at u at some point .... like to far taking it to messin with  my reputation,grades,emotions, friends and train of thought.....like really and now to thoes who dont know ur wondering wait wtf happened? 

well ill tell u, and only u 

so it was all going well i went to the hospital and figured out my stupidly only put me in pain and no huge traity so thats good than i went to a new girls house than went to carrie with a unch of people we went to the dollar store and movies than i went back to another new girls house with a "friend' and we swung on swings in he dark and walked arounnd than went back to the house and chilled out and eventually went to bed than the next day we went to my house and i got ready we where talking about going to a haunted thingy but in the end we dident and thats fine so we went back to the swings and the other friend not the new girl but a trusted friend i asked for her to snap a pic so she did and took my phone got my password and started at my phone she added my crush on kik and sent him some shit i dont know it all cuz she deleted the convos but yea like "hey babe' "ur really hot" (bunch of emojis) "i like ur ass" and probally lots more.... than we kiking her crush whom i dont like and was saying lots of shit saying that i like him and i asked him out? and ,much much more -.- than posted a status about him on facebookk like sayin hes soo hot (bunch o emojis) and also an instaram photo of him taging him ( crush ) and yea so i said it wasnt me to him on kik and he read it all and dident reply (this morning) and i know hes with all his volleball friends who are all like preps and all that shit so they probally know and that pisses me off and like i dont even know theres nothing i can really do about it but like who the hell has the odasity to even think of doing that oh yea all fun and games other than that fact that im the most fucking sereious person ever like im no harm to her like what the fuck can i do im an inoscent 90pound shot fuck.... and i fine with who i am.....like its onna take a mother fuckin mericle to get me to even talk to her again like what the fuck did u think was goin to happen?

i understand i swear and probally goin over board to some people but thats who i am and im fine with that its my life i do what i want to like im not a bitch i just handle things the way to lease harm myself. i dont like people to know my story or anything about me i want to be seen kinda.... but never herd.. i dont like to be herd only understood but all the alberta idiots cant read body lanuage maybe u should look first or ask hey r u a fake slut? and not just assume and tell others ....

and the more i think the more mad i get my anger comes out like im nt the same person i was a year ago im nothing the same i wish i still was stacey ..... but shes gone... long gon and shes not coming back ever itll never be the same i dont want to be here all its brought me is hell and depression, missery and hatred for life and everyone in it ive hated everyone at one point they miht not have known i hated them but i have at soe point or i dont know them so i have no reason to hate till i find a flaw in there personalty some r bier than others than theres the lonley 2-3 peope who i can never hate ive yet to find something they do to piss me off and thumbs up to u people who still care and understand without knowin or knowin without uderstanding 

i just dont know what to say or do right now i dont want to go to school tomorrow ill live with out having to go to a building of hell sluts bitches and betrayers everyday..... i can live without it .

pece watermelon 

bye for now