Black On White (day by day jernal)

June 11th 2013

hey guys ......

i just want to talk

talk about everything..... i dont fucking know anymore .... who the fuck am i why the fuck am i alive how the fuck am i alive today how th fuck do you and oly you turn the best, happiest day into shit, where i run to my room holding in the tears and let them out after locking slamming my back to the door and swatting to a sit digging my face to my knees and flicking up my hood wrapping my hooding and arms around my legs squeezig my frozen wreck of a body in. why cant i just be loved.... its bad you hate me and dont love me whe thats your only job and no one else to full in that love. i wanna go home back to see all my friends and family see there fucking priceless expressions on how much ive fucking changed.... im a wreck! ad you fucking know it! how fuck up can a human get? i try to express myself and be myself and happy once again.... where your hear i hate it when your gone i hate it....how does that work will it be diffrent now that you feel so diffrent towards me...?as my music is blasted making my ears bleed in pain of it but the music is holding me together being my glue.... how i wish i knew the real you. i know the fake full of toxens and shit..shit faced so hard u cant speak but only scream.... target me. like im unbreakable but im already broken.... u cant break me anymore...that job is done ... my feelings are dust with my rock outside holding my emotionless face from others feeling my pain.... other peoples depressions hurt me. so i think mine does the same to others... and u wonder why im always quiet...

so yeah...... so my perfect described dream guy i havent met.. yea kellie said i wouldent want to meet him cuz hes moving to the states in a month..... but i still want to meet him i finally told kellie that this morning i didnent get a responce still to this moment in the day at 4:30 pm soo..... i gt to ride y unicycle as i call it my one wheeled bike in school to film a video.... and bring wigs cuz im just that fucked up! idfk how i feel bout quiff cuz dream is on my mind lots.... slowly fading from when i got the news of him moving.... and i dont like quiff but i still end up finding him in crowds and i herd him using maners and im all like k ur just amazing..... i thought in my head.... yea im listening to miley cyrus "we cant stop" holly perfction <3 yeah thats my life im on my laptop again like last time im also very stressed due to my face demons that are gonna be the death of e i leggit so imbaressed like never before also the play and final exams.... all in the next week with a bakeoff ... we did our trial for that and we failed it was terable!!!!!!! all other groups did great but us noo..... we finally got a collab chanel on youtube with kellie and a couple other friends.. im really happy for it.. i hate when my files corrupt after 1 and a half hours of filming and 2 + hours of editing to corrupt!! so yeah thats life for me...idk why ive been lacking on this book i honestly want to get back to updating more frequently! it honestly kept my grades up and e on a normal life but back then i also had kellie..... well i guess i have a new scedual like school home eat youtube eat youtube youtbe youtbe sleep..... and occasinally film after school and edit after dinner.

idk who knows about u book..... cuz i google and find you....

piece <3 watermellon