Black On White (day by day jernal)

November 8th 2013

hey guys i kow its been all week since ive talked to you but this week couldent have been any worse like lets start with monday so i walked home with kellie and narsh and that beaking kid was being mea to kellie so narsh and i kinda flipped shit on them and that was fine i kinda actually foret the rest of the day but it was okay i guess....

so tuesday was when it started so i got to school and shit and that was okay i really actually forget other than at break narsh the new gurl and i went to the rude kid and that cute kid was there and as narsh and taci where beaking that kid and he was breaking back i stayed quiet and dident break eye contact with that cute guy who was standing with the assholes.  and he was laughing there for smiling so i moved my hand down to umm laugh and make a smile at him..other than that i foret untill after school so i stayed at school for like ever waiting for kellie who i figured out the next day that she practically ditched me to walk home with my brother... fine..but i had no one to walk home with so i called up my gramma on my cell phone and talked to her on my way home. so i get to about the road and i see a red sweater at the freaking corrner of the sidewalk path like thing. yep its that cute kid.... so of course my voice goes high and yea im looking at him like a tard but he dosent look at me so i say into the phone... " 1sec i gotta run across a road"  so i ran like a dumbshit.... -.-  nut than i got home..... matresses r in my kitchen... O.o i dont get it so my dad come up the stairs... "give me your phone if ur room isnt clean in an hour itll look the same as it does now" 

i had no fuckin clue what he said... i open my door everythings torn apart and on the floor broken and ripped, torn and shattered... my privacy was invaded! papers rippped . broken things and stains on my floor. i got it clean but dident get my phone back he yelled at me like full out screaming in my face the only person whos oppion actually matters.. shattered, i had actually lost all my dinity im nothing life dident mater and still today it dosent i hate it so much like i cant even anymore.

so the next day i went to work with kellies mom than my moms work after than to the school walk home with steve who took the bus so i walked a diffrent way home with kellie... thats okay... anythin to not be home.i got home hating my life like ussal.

so the next day i go about my life. standing playing volleyball outside that cute kid stood really close and when i made a really loud noise he looked at me -.- oh well not like it even matters now.but that night i walked home with the new girl and the guy i like along with fetus (narshes crush) they walked far behind us and it had started to snow.. so after a bit fetus comes runnin up to us... so i hear u like _____ (cute guy i like)  "how do u know who told u" 

"Steve" he said 

"who all knows" 

Whole class" he said

but apparently he dosent know ( cute guy) so idk how that works out but um yea....

and today...we had an assembly.... i figgured out cute guy has more than 2 sweaters ahahahaha it was blue and narshes crush sat beside him also in blue..so yea at break both of our crushes where hanging out and kicking snow at eachother so we went over there and they umm walked away than fetus came to talk to us than left than narsh and i walked closer to them and they walked away... him and i made lots of eye contact -.- he freaking knows and just wants to stay the fuck away from me... so umm steve was kickin snow at both of them as they where at the other side of the field gettin away from us... so narsh yells "STEVE" and new gurl says shes gonnaa drop kick him to china and someone in my class a popualr guy tells one of them idk who to simmer down i couldent even ahahahahaha...... in the end the bell rins and he (cute guy) goes running part me running like a dumbshit ahahahah .... oh yea at the begining of break freaking camping guy i liked little brother told me to wath my mouth....... i said i said fuck but i said shhhhhhhhoot....... sereious bugger i tell ya...

but we walked home narsh and i and we go out the door they do and fetus is yelling bye from the boot room threw the closed door to the guy i like than to narsh than all i see is narsh get all up in cute guys face and scream in his face ahahahahahaha than theres him "whatt the freik"

so we um follwed them after lookin like idiots and we get close and im like Ope hes wearing a hat?? he looks my way... his freaking perfect flippy hair is tucked back in a hat... O.o WHAT THE FUK?!?!?!??!?!? honestly hes adorible i like him but no... not his hair like that! thats not the look for him...like at all.... so umm practically they walkeda diffrent way to get away from us... -.- shit... he freakin knows and it pisses me the fuck off like i actually hate it so much and i swear i dont like even have a chance and im starting to think hes an asshole ....but i was umm looking at his page and narsh clicked follow threw my account of coursse i emedietly unfollowed but still -.- like really? 

oh well so narsh txted fetus "stacey and (cute guy) have to date"

and he replyed " (cute guy and (random chick) should date"

or something like that and i creeped that random gurl and um she likes him and the other comment r other ppl saying hes an ass and that he likes this other chick and i dont even want to know i dont know who i should like or atually anything i just want to find a guy whos right for me i want to know what its like to have a relationship of course im not gonna date someone for anyother reason but that i like them and think its right but they dont like me back so.... that dosent work too well....

night guys hopefully next week will be much bbetter <3