Black On White (day by day jernal)

Augest 29th 2013 happy for one tears for 2

Omg so a lot has gone down over the past little while and idk how to feel so mixed in emotions

Like some things I'm so happy bout

But others.......

I coludent be more upset about

"Coff" "coff" "school"

"Coff" "boys" "coff"

So yea like I can't even say because the things I'm happy about I can't say it's others ppls secrets and I swear not to tell....

Like it would be fine to tell my diary but it's on the Internet for everyone to see.........

I saw One Direction This Is Us

Today in theaters with Steve Kellie and Kim ....

Btw

IT WAS PERFECT!!!!

And kellies happy!!!!!!

I'm pretty sure Kim's happy!!!!!!

That makes me happy

Kellies birthday was yesterday

It was a blast for us I think it was good

For her to get out and have fun

She seemed happy and smiley

But something's getting to me.....actually....2 things one makes me feel awkward but ya I don't need to say it...

And the other just makes my stomach twist and feel so terable....

It's getting to me like never before

So kellie and that guy she had a thing with camping got in a fight but it wasn't him it was him friends and from what I herd I think the guy I like was one of them.......

And me being a good friend I got myself involved

And doing that I got called lez....

And that I dated kellie witch I dident

And that gets to me like kills me for people to say shit like that and yea because I am fully 100% strate

I've never thought of liking girls more than a friend

I like boys....

And it's not my fucking fult that guys don't like me

Or that I don't know how to talk to guys

And yea it's not my fult like clearly I'm trying to change that

And I do like that guy alot and he hasent followed me back and he's followed like 3-4 other ppl since I followed him not me tho and he followed my two other friends

And now I'm thinking he thinks I like girls and I'm descusting

And stupid

And wierd

But I really like him and it bugs me

Like so much like I feel like ill never be able to get him to talk to me

And urghh

Like just knowing that that lie roumer is going around like puts me in tears

I've always been made fun of

For not having a boyfriend

Or my first kiss

Or a real relationship

And I just wanna prove them all wrong....

I just wanna go home

They'll always love me and except me

And not just one or two people

But everyone

And just I give up in this

And I wanted to tell him how I feel

But if he thinks of me that way than...

I cant...

I wont....

But I still feel....

I can't get over people it's incapable

For my mind.....

I just wanna clear my name....

Be known for myself and not what

People say I am that's all I want or for something good to happen to me...

I just need someone to help and ya idk i feel bad for telling people that's why this exists

So I can tell someone without the guilt

Of asking for help and making my problems effect others life feelings .

✌🍉❤

🌙💤