My Little Black Swan- A Chris Motionless Fan-fiction

Where is my mind..

-Chris's POV-
"Hey .two tickets for-
"Sorry bus is full," the driver said speeding off.
Maddy hugged my leg, almost falling asleep,
"I would carry you but I think I've hurt my back from falling off that bike"
"No don't carry me, it's otay,"
I took her hand and we both walked tiredly down the road,
Finding ourselves in another local town at some time last mid night.
Maddy was now walking with her eyes half open,
Her little hand gripped on one of my rings that hung in my belt.
We found a train station, well it was hardly a station,
It was a small ticket hut and a platform. You could tell this town was rough and run down and it terrified me more than it terrified Madelyn.
The town was dead.
A drunk homeless man made his way along the road looking at us strangely,
Dog barks echoed the streets.
Not like cute little puppy barks,
Like crazy barks, wild dogs, large ones with sharp teeth and big jaws and claws,
I put my arm round Maddy Protectively.
We got to the station and stood and waited for a train to take us back to Scranton.
"I'm sorry darling, if only I didn't get lost with we might have been home and in bed by now"
She yawned and kissed my leg in reply.
Poor little girl was too exhausted to even speak,
We stood in the cold for about half an hour, the temperature only dropped as the night went on.
We were both now shivering in the night, Maddy constantly having her inhaler in her mouth.
"You want to sit down?"
She shook her head and took my hand.
The train finally came,
Maddy was feeling faint and stumbling back,
I cuaghted her so she didn't fall and kept her steady,
I walked into the train and got our ticket,
I looked at the packed train and gulped,
She needed a seat, she was gonna past out and I can't carry her in a train,
I stood for a moment hoping that someone had a heart to give up a seat for a sick little girl but they all looked at us with hatred in their eyes.
It's not maddy's fault, it's mine.
I look weird I get it.
I headed to the driver,
"Hey my little girls I sick she needs a seat is there any carriage that we can go fro her to sit down,"
"Well little miss drama queen will have to stand like everyone else."
Maddy stumbled again,
"Please she's fainting"
"Fine, the end carriage is the carriage that no one goes in, go there," he spat like we were something disgusting
I nodded and headed down the bottom of the train.

I know why no one sat here,
The whole place was graffitied and it smell of cigarettes and alcohol,
It was also freezing but we had a place for Maddy to lay down,
I lay Maddy down on the two seats,
"I'll be right back" I whispered,
I headed to the middle of the train and bought some food and water,
I bought a sandwich for her and headed back to where she lay,
"You feeling okay?" I said concerned kneeling down feeling her forehead,
"Cold and sweepy" she sniffled,
I handed her a handkerchief and she sneezed,
I took off my hoodie and used it as a blanket,
I sat her in my lap and she curled up against me,
"Dad?" She whispered
"Yeah sweetie pie"
"I hope I dont hurt your back"
"You won't, I promise" I smiled kissing her cheek
"I love you dad" she whispered with her eyes still closed,
"Love you too"
As I watched Madelyn sleep peacefully in my arms I realised all of her facial features,
"You turned out so cute didn't you" I mumbled to myself tucking her hair behind her ear,
After about an hour in the train I let my mind fall into a abyss of thoughts,
I never thought I would say this but I wish I was there..
At the birth, by Laura's side as she gave birth to such a beautiful being,
I wish I got to hold her for the first time,
When she entered this world and the first person she would see would be my face,
But it wasn't me.
It was John..
He was there, not me, he was at the birth,
The thought of the first face that Maddy ever laid eyes on was a monster of a man makes me sick to my stomach,
This is the most painful thing about not being there.
I feel like I was replaced with a rapist for a father if I didn't pick up the phone at 3am.
If I didn't pick that phone up and got my sleep o wouldn't be here,
I'd be at home, alone, heartless and selfish and I wouldn't have met all the people that I have if it wasn't for this one little girl,
Hannah, Linda, Lilian, floss and even the fucking cat trixy
I smiled as tears streamed my face.
It's weird,
I didn't want anything to do with Laura after the one night stand and now.
I want her back, I wish I contacted her before, y'know after the one night stand,
Fuck I had her number, but I burned it cause she kicked me out.
If I had called her, she might have told me she was pregnant, yeah I might have not taken it well at first but atleast I would have been there at the birth, her first birthday, did she even celebrate her birthday?
I would have, I would have made a big big party and I would have made her a cake gene though I'm crap and baking but me and Laura could have done it together and it would be one big laugh looking back on the photos and-
But those photos don't exist.
They never will, Laura is gone and Maddy is growing up so fast.
I'm dreaming of the memories that I never had,
The thing is is that even though I burned Laura's number and she was just a one night stand,
It wasn't just a quick fuck and then wake up and leave,
We stayed up all night talking about our dreams, she wanted to be a mother, and have a family and move to France,
I remembered that.
The thing is, I loved Laura.
I didn't know it until years later when she is dead in a hospital,
That's what hurts,
By the time my mind winded down and I began to calm, I noticed that I had been sobbing.
Maddy never woke up though,
Good she needed rest, and so did I.

Hey guys
Damn that last part I just let it flow,
I dunno I needed something to make this chapter more interesting.
So question of the days
What is your favourite side character?
We have
Linda--the lady from the orphanage,
Lillian- the girl from the train that Chris took a liking to,
Floss- the little red head girl from the orphanage, friends with Maddy,
Hannah- the creepy little girl from the asylum that Chris met regularly,
Or the cat trixy lol
You choose XD
Anyways guy comment what you think,
Love you guys
Seeya
Gem
Xxx