castles → lil peep (completed)

Skyscrapers

Chapter Twelve

From Philly we traveled trough Ohio, West Virginia, Virginia, Delaware and we were now in Florida. Each show was better than the last and I didn't miss any of them. They were too good.

I was worried about Gus though.

He wasn't acting like himself but he was always worried about me. Always asking if I was okay, if I needed anything, if I was coping okay since John's trial was next month in Nevada. I stared to think that he was so concerned about me , he wasn't taking care of himself.

I saw he was drinking more,popping Xanax and I've even woken up in the middle of the night to the sound of him crying his eyes out. It's scaring the shit out of me. T and Horse have noticed too and tried to say something but just got blanked or told to "calm down"

We were on the tour bus, eight hours away from the venue and Gus and I were holding hands while we were watching South Park. Gus being Gus had be on his sixth blunt today.

I was close to crying. I didn't know what I would do if something were to happen to him.

I got up to make Gus and I some coffee and when I turned around to ask him if he wanted anything to eat, I saw him go to swallow five Xanax pills. I couldn't do it anymore, I couldn't stand by and watch this.

"Okay, Gustav, that is enough!"

"What's wrong?"

"What's wrong? What's wrong?!? I'll tell you what's wrong! I am done sitting by and watching my boyfriend kill himself! Drug after drug, blunt after blunt, drink after drink. I can't take it anymore because soon you're gonna end up dead and I refuse to let the love of my life, my soulmate, die!"

It never occurred to me that I had started crying and that T and Horse were standing in the doorway, watching everything unfold.

"I can't do it Gussie, I just can't"

I was full on sobbing now as mamma Horse came out and lead me towards the bunks to calm me down. I don't was Gus to die but I'm afraid he will if this doesn't stop.

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*Gus's POV*

Seeing her in such a state made my heart rip in two, even more so when she completely broke down and had to be comforted by Horse head. I did this to someone who cares about me.

Tracy stepped out with his arms crossed and not looking very happy.

"You need to pull your shit together dude"

"Man I know it's ju-"

"No. I don't think you do know. That girl would take a bullet for you and you're over here killing yourself. I know you're struggling dude and everyone's here for you, but to torture yourself through her is unfair and cruel"

I didn't say anything because I knew he wasn't done.

"She's absolutely destroyed because she thinks it's her fault, that she's not good enough. You need to cut this crap and talk to her while I throw everything away. She understands you can't just quit it's just how much you're doing in so little time"

I sit there listening to him, agreeing 100%.

"What the hell are you still doing here? Go talk to her"

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*Em's POV*

Horsehead left me to cry on my own In my shared bedroom as I flopped on our big bed. Once again I hated the ceiling and wanted it to be the moon and stars; the wonderful endless galaxy.

I felt the double bed dip down as a familiar hand gripped my own. I didn't bother to look at him because I knew it wouldn't end well. I just welcomed him into the silence and held his hand like he did mine.

"I'm so so so sorry Em. I had no idea what I was doing to you. I was so focused on making you happy that when it came to me I turned to drugs because it was to easiest option"

"I love you so much Gus, if something were to happen to you....I don't even want to think about it"

"You won't have to baby, because for you, I'll stay alive to see a thousand skyscrapers if you're by my side"

We smiled at each other, knowing that we could both survive if we had each other.