castles → lil peep (completed)

Worlds Away

Chapter Fifteen

I was standing to the side of the stage; out of view. I was watching him preforming Witchblades with T and I was dancing like an absolute idiot but this tune was amazing.

T comes off and I hear the beginning of Star Shopping, my favourite song of not just of his but off all time. I start to vibe to it when Gus beckons me on stage. I freeze up when T picks me up very awkwardly and dumps me right in the middle of the stage. Prick. The crowd starts screaming at my arrival and he begins to sing but looks into my eyes as he sings my favourite part.

"I know I'm not that important to you but to me, girl ,you are so much more than gorgeous"

I begin to cry as he takes my hand and continues to serenade me. What have I done to deserve someone like him? The song's about how he's in love with a girl he's not deserving of when in reality it's me who's not worthy of him.

The first time we're seen publicly is when he serenades me on stage while I'm crying like a moron. Story of my fucking life. I didn't know why he was doing this because I've put him under so much stress since we've met and here he is treating me like a queen.

The song ends as I'm pulled out of my thoughts by a passionate kiss in front of a roaring crowd with a few boos mixed in. Whoever they are can go fuck themselves, probably some teenage girls. We break away and he wipes away my tears with his thumbs before leading me off stage.

What a night.

I go back to watching the show in the wings and being a fucking crybaby because I couldn't stop crying over the serenading. I couldn't help it. When I'm with him and especially in that moment I felt like I was worlds away.

He's my favourite drug

T kept disappearing on stage when he needed too but Goth was no where to be found. Weird. He was probably doing coke back on the bus, I just hoped he remembers to clean up after himself.

"Thank you Utah, you have been fucking amazing"

He came bounding off stage high with adrenaline and Xanax and went straight to kissing me. I wrapped my arms around his neck and my fingers made their way into his hair. He pulled away but stayed on my lips as he mumbled into them.

"Did you enjoy that?"

"You have no idea"

"Onto Nevada now, you ready?"

I moved back, what was he talking about?

"The trial is in three days"

In that moment, the cloud nine experience I had came crashing down and reality hit me like a bomb. How had I forgotten? I thought I felt numb when the pit of anxiety started to spiral out of control and I could feel a big panic attack building.

I rushed out of the venue and avoided tripping on a passed out Goth on the floor. I tried to make it to the bathroom but the lack of oxygen caused me to fall to my knees and grip my chest. My eyes were blurry and I felt like I was underwater, like I was drowning and I could the surface but couldn't get to it.

Fuck you anxiety

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*Gus's POV*

I dropped the mic and ran after her , what did I expect? I just told my girlfriend she was going to be forced to be in a room with her rapist in three days. What a fucking good boyfriend I am.

I jumped over the half dead Yunggoth and saw Em on her knees struggling to breathe. I practically dived over and embraced her in my arms; trying to not cry myself. I started whisper singing Star Shopping knowing it would calm her down. In the meantime T and joined us and gave me her asthma pump that I didn't even know she had. Was it to help in times like these or did she genuinely have the breathing condition?

Her breathing went back to the normal pace and soon to the sleeping pace. I scooped her up and placed her on our bed before tugging off her clothing, leaving her in just a t-shirt and underwear. I tucked her in and went back to living area to smoke a blunt because I fucking needed it.

/////////////

*Em's POV*

I woke up screaming with the feeling of suffocation still with me, that was until I noticed a fucking scared looking Gus was knelt next to me and holding my hand.

"Did I wake you up?"

"No and it doesn't matter, I'm glad you're okay"

He pulled me into a tight hug while I cried on his shoulder. I just prayed he wouldn't ask me what the dream was about. It was fucked up, even for me.

"You gonna tell me what happened in your dream?"

Fuck.

"Just know it's fucked up"

~Dream~

We were kissing and it was fucking good. Gus pushed me back onto the bed slowly and started to unbuckle his belt when his face started to morph into Johns. I tried to scream and move away but by this point my hands were already pinned above my head with one hand the other covering my mouth.

When it began, John changed into the terrifying doctor from my childhood and the lights began to flicker. I didn't know what was going on but all I could feel was the feeling of doom.

~Ending of dream~

He looked at me with tears welling up in his eyes.

"Em, I want you to know that I would never do something like that to you"

"I know, i love you"

"I love you"