castles → lil peep (completed)

About U

Chapter sixty one

Despite every bone in my body telling me the opposite, I took Bradley's advice and didn't run after Gus...but that was yesterday...I haven't seen him since.  We were planning on flying home to LA last night but seeing as I had no idea where he was, I booked a hotel near the airport and texted him the details so he could come back when he was ready.

My eyes weren't open but I knew I was awake and from how much I could tell the sun was shining on me I knew it had to be at least 11 am. At first I was disturbed at how early I was awake but that all changed when I heard someone else breathing.

I finally opened my eyes and looked around, seeing Gus sitting in the armchair just starring at me. There was no particular look in his eyes, just blank starring; I've never seen him look like this. It kinda freaked me out.

"Gus........"

Without a word he stood up and locked himself in the bathroom, slamming the door behind him. I jumped up, wrapping the hotel robe around me and knocked on the door to get no response. I don't even know what I expected, it's not like he was actually going to open the door is it?

"You gotta talk to me Gus"

No answer.

"I know that you're hurt but I promise you that article is wrong, I didn't pop any xans"

All I heard was a muffled sniff...he was crying.

"Gus please, let me explain"

I slid down the door, feeling tears of my own start to fall down my face. I hurt him so much and I didn't mean to, I really didn't; fuck those tabloids who spread that shit around.

"Please........"

After a few minuets I heard the door unlock and I jumped up, heart pounding so loud I could hear it. On the other side of the door, he stood there still in the same clothes as yesterday and eyes puffy.

"What do you want me to say? That I forgive you? That it's okay? This time it's not that easy! In a random guy's car you popped the one drug we promised we would never do. I would've preferred it if you cheated on me"

"I promise you that it wasn't Xanax and it wasn't a random guy, ever heard of Lil Xan? He's a rapper who's a big fan of yours and he helped me out when I was lost. I can call him right now and he'll tell you that we didn't do any Xanax"

"Oh really? Then what was it?"

"Norcos, we took some Norcos"

"As in the painkillers? Are you insane? Do you know anything about them?"

"They're strong and addictive but I only took two and I feel fine"

"Norcos are so dangerous for you what the fuck were you thinking?"

"I was thinking about how fucked up this all is and how I needed something to calm me down"

"So taking two pills from a guy you barely know was the best thing for you to do?"

"I don't know, I guess?  But the important thing is, is that it wasn't Xanax"

"Obviously so because if you were to accidentally overdose, the only I would care about is that if it was Xanax or not"

I simply looked at the ground in shame, he was right, Gus was totally right. After all those lectures I gave him I go and take pills from a guy who I met for only half an hour. I trust Diego and everything but that was stupid, so very stupid.

"I'm sorry, I should've taken into account the dangers of taking drugs I didn't know anything about"

"Well duh but that's not the point, you were so reckless! Did you even consider how I would've felt if something were to happen to you? How anyone would've felt?"

"I didn't really consider it"

The tears kept falling from his eyes but Gus chuckled and turned away from me.

"Didn't even consider it, wow. Do you even care about other people or is it all about you and your issues?"

"Of course not how can you say that? You know how much you mean to me"

"I did but now I'm not too sure, if you had OD'd or something it would destroy me but you don't even care about that"

"Well now you know how I felt every time you would take like 9 xans which you didn't care about, as soon as I take two pills that aren't even xans you lose your shit"

"That was different then"

"How?"

"Because I had nothing to lose, you have something"

"Oh so me, all your friends and family are nothing to you?"

"No, were nothing but on that night when I almost died? I realised that you guys were something. You though? You already have so much to lose........including me"

When I didn't say anything, he continued.

"But you don't have to worry anymore"

"Gus, what are you saying?"

He walked over to the door, stepped out side a little and gave me one last look.

"You just lost me"

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*Gus' POV*

I can't believe what I just did, I just broke up with Emily; Emily and I, broken up. Totally done...holy shit. Wiping the tears from my eyes I shoved my hands in my pocket and walked down the hallway, hearing a door slam behind me.

"Gustav, wait"

I didn't say anything because one look at her and I'll break, that was until she pulled my arm and forced me to look into her eyes. They were full of sadness and betrayal but her face showed determination; her once beautiful eyes had turned cold.

"I don't want to hear it Em"

"Well you're gonna. I'm not letting you walk out on us over some stupid fight; yes I was wrong and I'm going to make it up to you but I'm not letting you leave. I love you too much"

"Well it's not your decision, I'm done"

"Stop saying that! If you can look me in the eyes and tell me you no longer love me at all, I'll let you go"

I looked at her and I could feel myself cracking at her gaze, I never stopped loving her. I don't think I could stop loving her ever, no matter how hard I tried.

"How about you kiss me and tell me you don't love me?"

We were only inches from each other's face and Em wrapped her arms around my neck, pulling me closer. Fuck it, I don't care anymore I'm in love with this girl.

"Forget what I said, you'll never lose me"

And then I kissed her.