highest rank : #1 in lil peep books
he was a druggie,
she was his new dealer.
he knew she could save him,
she knew she needed him.
rip gustav åhr 1/11/1996 - 15/11/2017 <3
(pls note i wrote this when i was 12/13 so it's super bad and messy and unrea...
Its been a month since Emma had visited me and she hasn't left since, in fact she had kinda become my roommate for the time being; this whole being alone thing wasn't as easy as I thought. We were currently in the main bathroom and Emma was styling my recently dyed hair which was a colour i thought I would never have.....brown.
"I'm sorry I can't help it, I'm too nervous"
"Well if you're gonna throw up again then do it in the bath"
Almost everyday this month I've been throwing up each morning and I think I know why; it fucking terrifies me. From the look on Emma's face I could tell she kinda knew as well but I didn't want to except it. Not one bit.
"And you're done"
With butterflies in my stomach I turned and looked into the mirror and instantly fell in love, it looked amazing! Emma is such a miracle worker, she's the only one who's allowed to do my hair from now on.
"Remind me to always call you when I need my hair doing"
"Anytime my darling, come on let's go shopping"
"Bitch you read my mind"
Leaving the apartment, Emma and I climbed in the Benz and drove to the nearest mall while we screamed the lyrics to some of Gus' songs...........well I screamed, Emma just laughed at me. Pulling up to the mall we instantly had some people come up to us and ask for photos; why were people a fan on me? When I would be spotted with Gus then I get it but when it's just Emma and I, i and no clue.
When I spotted Spencer's I made a bee line to it but was quickly pulled into a random drug store instead.
"Emma why are we in here?"
"There's something I'm pretty sure you need"
At first I was confused but when we stopped in front of the feminine isle, I quickly become totally lost.
"I don't need any tampons, I haven't gotten my period-"
"-in ages? I didn't bring you here for tampons em, I brought you here for a pregnancy test"
"Don't be ridiculous, I'm probably just sick or something"
"You've been throwing up nearly every morning for a month, most likely before then. We have to be sure"
"I really think you're being ridiculous"
"If you're not gonna do it for me, do it for Gus; you could be carrying his baby"
"Don't jinx it!"
"Please?"
I took a deep breath and tried to stop shaking, having to even consider the possibility of being pregnant was beyond scary.
"Okay"
Taking three tests from the isles, I payed for them as discreetly as possible and ran to the food court bathroom with Emma by my side. Crashing into the women's bathroom we locked door after making sure they no one was already inside, I prayed that it would be negative.
"Go into the stall, do your thing, I'll be right out here"
Closing the stall door behind me, I did what I had to do on all three tests and handed them to Emma; I couldn't bare to look at the result. As a way of distracting myself I took a quick picture and posted it on Instagram.
Lil_em_
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Lil_em_ - The future terrifies me // also thanks @yunggoth300 for the glasses :) 15.2K likes 5k comments Yunggoth300 - you stole my look bish! Emmalitarose- ❤️ User - so beautiful with the brown hair User - id fuck u Mythkillar - LOOKING CUTE EMMY AS A BRUNETTE User - awwww ^ User - @lilpeep Bexey gonna steal ur bitch ^ Lilpeep - any future without you in it scares me💖🐣 Lilpeep - ur hair is pretty😍 Lilpeep - I miss you baby💔
It didn't work.
"The results are through Em"
I put my phone in my hoodie pocket and turned around, facing Emma as I suppressed a panic attack.
"You're pregnant"
//////////////////////
I stared at the pill in front of me and debated if I should make this decision. Not long after I accepted my pregnancy, Emma took me to planned parenthood where I was told I was only 5 weeks pregnant and given an abortion pill. Everyone I know including myself is pro choice so I wasn't worried on being judged, it was the fact that Gus wouldn't know that he was a father. That didn't sit right with me.
"Are you sure you wanna do this? Cause there's no going back"
"I need, no, want to do this. It's just that it's not fair for Gus not to know even though it would make life so much easier. Telling him on the phone would freak him out......I need to tell him face to face"
"Good, because I already got you a plane tickets to Belgium"
"You're not coming with me?"
"I'll take you to the airport tomorrow and goth can meet you in Belgium"
"You told goth?"
"Well he asked and I -"
"It's okay Emma, thank you for all this"
"No matter what you decide, we'll all support you"
"I know, I'm just scared"
"I would be worried if you weren't"
"I can't believe this, it's all so sudden"
"I know but just take it a day at a time, it's all fall into place eventually"
I just hope she's right.
———————- Some of you predicted it and you'd be right! Our Em is preggo but there's so much I have planned you have NO idea
Have a good day peepers❤️
P.s there's prolly gonna be a double or even triple update today but maybe not you'll have to wait
