castles → lil peep (completed)

Nothing To U

Chapter fifty five

I frowned. I hated what I was seeing so fucking much, and it was all my fault. It's ironic that I ruined the one thing the one person that cared about me liked. So ironic it's funny, not funny enough to make me stop frowning though.

"What you frowning at baby?"

Gus walked in on me staring at my body's reflection as I stood in front of the full length mirror in my underwear. He walked up to me, wrapping his arms around my waist and placing his chin on my shoulder; flashing a goofy smile.

It worked like magic at cheering me up.

"Look at all these scars, what was I thinking? I absolutely destroyed my body, how do still love me?"

"Emily it's not just your body I'm in love with, even though it's perfect with or without scars, I'm in love with everything about you"

"You're wrong"

"I am, am I?"

"Yes, you're the perfect one"

"Whatever you say baby girl, Merry Christmas Eve"

"Merry Christmas Eve, what's the plan for today?"

"Getting ready, putting up the rest of the Christmas decorations, any last minute shopping for presents and then whatever you wanna do"

"Well i did my Christmas shopping months ago so I'll stay and help your Ma"

"I've got one last thing to do in town so once I'm done and back here, wanna go do something?"

"Sure, I would love to"

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I was wearing my favourite hoodie and chilling on the couch as I had finished decorating with Liza when I did something I haven't done in ages...check social media. I used to stay on top of Twitter, Insta etc; I just didn't have the time anymore.

All media apps had thousands of unseen notifications, What the fuck had I missed? As I checked all platforms, it became clear why I had so many messages, tags and dms. I had been sent links to articles about Gus and I being in and out of hospital, us being seen out and about with Eddie and things like that. Then I saw it.

"UP AND COMING RAPPER LIL PEEP IS SAVED BY GIRLFRIEND AFTER ALMOST OVERDOSING ON XANAX"

How the fuck did they find out? Through my anxiety filled panic, I found myself on similar pages going as far as accusing me of trying to kill him for clout. What the hell? The same was on instagram and Snapchat as well, the entire world knew what had happened to us. How?

"I'm back, where's Ma?"

I got up and shoved my phone in his face, trying not to shake too much. Gus took my phone out of my hand and looked at what I was showing him.

"Did you know about all this?"

His silence told me everything.

"Goddam it why didn't you tell me?"

"Because I knew how much it would stress you out. Are you mad?"

"Yes Gus, I'm mad at you. The internet knows everything that's happened since that awful day and I didn't know"

"I'm sorry and I don't blame you for being mad, I defended you though. I tweeted saying that I wouldn't be alive today without you so everyone saying it was your fault should fuck off"

I couldn't help but smile a little at that, don't get me wrong though; I'm still hella mad. For I don't know how long Gus lied to me, he thought it was for my own benefit, but he still lied to my face.

"I'm still mad Gus, I'm going on a walk. If I'm not back my 2pm, start worrying"

"No way, you going on walks by yourself never end well, besides don't you think you're overreacting?"

I was mad before...now I'm furious.

"Overreacting? Are you fucking kidding me? I have people online saying i tried to kill you and I didn't fucking know. I'm going on a walk but I'll probably be at the park, feel free to come find me when you understand"

"You know what? Have fun on your fucking walk. Hopefully the snow cools you down so you aren't so irrational"

"Whatever asshole"

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*Gus's POV*

As she slammed the door on her way out, i threw the nearest thing at the wall; it was the TV remote and it left a dent. Fuck. Why couldn't she see I was doing it for her? It's like she thinks I did it to hurt her.

Sitting against the wall, I rolled up a joint and started to smoke; I ain't dealing with her sober right now. Making sure to not smoke to the point of no return, I felt myself starting to calm down...until I replayed the fight in my head and realised how this time Em was in the wrong.

I needed a second opinion though from a woman; Ma's not home neither is grandma so I guess I'll go to the best at advise giving, Emma. Picking up my phone I went to type in my password when I saw my lock screen; for some reason it stopped me. Ignoring it, i FaceTimed Emma and she picked up on the third ring.

"Where the fuck have you been MustardGus?"

"Shut up ketchupEmma you know I love you"

"And i love you too, whats up?"

"I need advise...like right now. It's about Emily"

"What did you do?"

"Hey!"

"Just answer the question Peeper"

"I...didn't tell her about the articles...and she found out"

Her eyes widened and I could sense her famous death glare coming on.

"The articles? THE articles? You didn't tell her?"

And there it is. The look.

"It would stress her out, I didn't want that"

"Oh Gus, you had good intentions like you always do. It's fucking stupid though"

"What do you mean?"

"Imagine you find out a bunch of your personal life has been leaked, which you're not used to, and then you're being accused of trying to kill Em but she knew the entire time. How would you feel?"

"That would be totally different though!"

"Really?"

"No...it wouldn't be different. I hate it when you're right"

"But I am. Go find her, talk to her, everything's gonna be okay"

"Thank you Mah, love you"

"Love you too, don't do anything stupid"

And now to find Emily, I hope she forgives me.