5 Seconds Of Summer Preferences

Save Me. Ashton Iriwn

Save Me
Ashton Irwin
Backstory: You've been diagnosed depression. No one knows except for your mother and your best friend, Max. When you fall in love with your (one of them) best friend, Ashton, you ask your other friend for guidance. Since you're depressed, you don't know how to express it - so you write it in a letter for him.
A/N: Part 2?
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You know when you're happy, and all of a sudden, sadness washes over you. Like a tidle wave crashing down on land, over and over again. So much, it makes you break down and you can't breathe, you can't see, you can't even hear. It's just a blaring ringing screeching in your head and all you can do is cry. Your voice is lost and your mind is cloudy and foggy. Nothing makes sense and in that moment you can't do anything to stop it? It's actually been a while since I've had one of these. It's been great, it's actually been amazing. Life hasn't been as scary as it was before. I could leave the house, I could be a normal teenager. I could just have fun and it would be real.

I don't have that anymore. It's left me. I just have a... dullness inside me. A dullness that no one has been able to rid me of. Not even my best friend, even my cat couldn't do anything.

I hate it. I hate feeling like this. But, it's my life. I just need to accept it, right? I guess that's what I've done. I know I'm probably never going to get better... and that's what my is life now.

----

"Y/N?" Ash shook me, "honey you've got to get up."

Honey is what he calls me. Ever since I met him, he's called me honey. I've always smiled a little, even blushed. At school people would tease us for being together and now, all I want is for that to happen. But it won't. I'm a piece of shit and he deserves better.

"No..." I groaned pushing my face into the pillow. He just chuckled, pushing some hair behind my ear.

"You've got your pre-exam today though," Ash tried.

"No, I don't. That was last week." I rolled my eyes into my pillow.

"Okay, fine," he sighed standing up, "do you just not want to go to school today?"

I didn't say anything. He knew the answer already.

Another sigh. "How come?" He pulled me up, sitting down on the couch, then pulled me down again. Making me lean towards him. Aww, he's so cute. "Come on, honey. You need to tell me..."

I fiddled with the string on my hoodie, trying my hardest to not give away anything. "I..." I sighed, "don't like school, okay? That's it." I haven't told anyway about the whole depression thing. I didn't see the point in it.

"What? You don't like school? Well I never thought." Ashton gasped sarcastically. I just smiled awkwardly, its that bad huh? I've forgotten what it's like to be happy for more than five minutes. Noticing I didn't laugh, Ashton pressed a kiss to my temple.
Exploding.
Fire works going off in my body. My whole being exploding into a fire lit pit. How can he manage to make me feel like this? With small, friendly, gestures.
I can't. No. I'm not allowed to feel this way... I'm not allowed to feel this. No.

"Yeah..." I trailed off. "I, uhm, need to uh... get ready for school," I added awkwardly. "See you after school, I guess."

"Oh, okay. Thought we were going to stay in? Want me to drop you off?" Ash asked quickly standing up behind me.

"No! I, uhm, no. I'm okay..." I mumbled.

"You sure? It's really no problem." He smiled.
That smile! So full of life and love. The smile he gives his little brother, Harry. The smile he gives his band mates when they do something stupid. The smile of genuine happiness.
Friendship. It only means friendship, Y/N. That's it. He doesn't love you. He never will. He loves someone else... someone who I know, but he hasn't said.

"Yeah. It's fine."

I ran.

I ran into his room, throwing my school bag onto his bed, my extra clothes I leave lying around and the books that I've just taken from his floor. He doesn't need them. He finished school a while ago.

What did I just do? He's going to know something is wrong - he's going to ask questions and he's going to wonder what's wrong. He already knows, doesn't he? He's going to hate me.

I ran.

I ran again. Leaving him clueless in his lounge, pushing, and apologizing, passed his little sister and brother. Power walking down the road and to the bus stop, I finally caught my breath. I need to do something. Something to say what I feel.
He's going to reject me and or whole friendship will be ruined. He'll hate me and make fun of me. He'll get embarrassed and never talk to me again. His friends will hate me. His sister and brother will hate me. His mum already hates me... I need to tell him. I can't. I can't ruin the only really good friendship I have... I just can't...

"So, you love him?" Max asked, flicking her blond hair over her shoulder. She really is the definition of beautiful. Blue eyes, tall, skinny, brainy, popular. She really is the whole package. "And you just don't know how to say it?"

I nodded picking at the rice she just given me. Max was determined to make me better again. So first things first, make me start eating again.

"Just say."

I rolled my eyes, sighing. "Max, I can't just go up to him and say 'Oh, yeah, by the way I'm totally in love with you. Yeah, remember when I said I was never interested in anyone? Well I lied. You're like the best boyfriend I could ask for' . How about no?"

"Well why not? That's what I did to, Miles." She shrugged. Miles Longcaster is her boyfriend of two years. She was drunk one night and confessed how she felt, bish, bash, bosh - they're together.

I sighed, raking a hand through my hair. "I'm just not that confident."

"Why don't I do it?"

"No. Absolutely not. No way."

"Then write him a letter or something." Shrugging again. "You love to write, don't you?"

"Yeah..." I trailed off.
I thought: It won't be that bad of an idea would it? I I thought: I've writen him things before.
I thought: If he doesn't like it, then I can say it was for a school project?
I thought: Okay... I'll do it.