5 Seconds Of Summer Preferences

Save Me Pt 2. Ashton Irwin

Save Me Pt 2

Ashton Irwin

Backstory: Part 2 to Save Me.

A/N: I'd actually read the first one, if you haven't, before this one. Part 3??

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Dear Ashton,

Okay... so... okay. So this is actually happening. Omg. Okay. Gah I don't know what to do- oh for fucks sake. Snakes scare the shit out of me, my gosh. Okay now I'm just procrastinating. Why do I do that? Seriously I actually have like no clue. Like. Like is a word I use a lot isn't it? Yeah you tell me all the time. Gosh I should just get to the point.

Okay, so here goes... ugh. I can't just write it can I? I mean Max just told me to do it so I should. Why am I even doing this? I'm probably never going to give this to you.
Fine.
Okay.
I'm doing it. Ashton, Ashton Fletcher Irwin... I love the way you look after your brother and stick up for your sister. I love your smile and they way your dimples truly show you're happy... You just seem... so amazing in my eyes. You're like my bestfriend and helped me not so long ago. I guess I kinda have two things to tell you... so uhm... yeah...
1: I tried to kill myself a while ago. I know it's bad, but please don't make a big deal out of it.
2: I love you. Like, not love as in friend but as in more of a friend...
Please don't stop reading!!
So I get if like you never want to talk to me like, ever. And I understand if you hate me and everything but... you wanna know why I didn't go through with the whole 'dying' thing.  →→ It was because of you. You. Ashton is was you. I couldn't bring myself to not see your beautiful smile or hear those stupid jokes you think are so funny. I couldn't not hear the way you speak about your family because they're your world.
I love you.
I love you, Ashton. I honestly do... and if you're reading this and you feel weird and just yuck, it's okay if you never speak to me again. I understand. I mean, I'm a piece of shit right? I know hah...
Uhm so yeah. That's what I wanted to say and just that I mean it. So if you don't like this you should just blame Max. I wouldn't have done this if she hadn't of told me. And no. I don't have a 'crush' on, Calum. I have a 'crush' on you.
Oh!! By the way you're like amazing and funny and cute and handsome and I could go on, buuuut I won't so... yeah. Ahm... byeeeeee.
Love you (and I mean it yo) heaps, Y/N xx

I signed, holding the folded paper in my hands. He's going to hate me. I just know it. Max gave me a thumbs up from the car. I'm at his house, about to give him this letter.

I knocked on the door quietly. His mum opened the door with a smile.

"Ash-"

"Uhm I'm not here for long," I cut her off, "so if you could just give this to Ash?" I asked, handing her the letter with shaky, sweaty hands.

"Oh, uh, okay," She said awkwardly.

"P-please don't read it either. It's just kinda only for him..." I locked my gaze to the ground.

"Okay," She laughed.

"Thank you, Mrs Irwin."

"Is a letter telling him how you feel?"

I felt my cheeks blaze. "N-no. No, it's not, it's just a thing I needed to tell him."

"I can see it, you know."

"Mum? Who's at the door- oh hey, Y/N. Why didn't you call me?" Ashton grinned. Oh that grin made my knees weak.

"I need to go. Max is waiting for me!" I said quickly, turning on my heel and running away.

"Y/N!" Ashton called.

I ignored him, slamming the car door shut and sinking into zebra covered seats. This is absolutely horrible...

Ashton's Point Of View:

"Well, that was awkward." Mum commented closing the front door. "She wanted me to give you this. Stricked on not looking at it. Said it was just something she needed to tell you."

"Did she say anything else?" I asked worridly.

"Ah, no. Why? Is something wrong?"

"Yes." I nodded, slowly taking the ratty, folded paper from mum's hands.

"What? What's wrong?" Mum asked, even more worried than me.

"Her mum called... saying that she found a suicide note in her room-"

"Y/N? Trying to committe suicide? That bubbly, dorky girl who is a bigger nerd than you are?" Mum gasped.

"Wow, mum. Way to make me feel better." I rolled my eyes. "Her mum, Louise, said that she found Y/N in her room asleep with the note half writen. Most of the note was to me she said but I never like confronted Y/N about it."

"Ash, well you have to read it." Mum urged slapping my hands.

"Mum! Are you serious? Stop with the slapping! I'm twenty years old."

"But you're still my son, now, read." She demanded.

"Yes mum... sheesh." I mumbled.

I sighed, sitting down on the couch next to Harry. He smiled at me, turning the television down a little.

"What have you got there?" He questioned.

"Yeah, what have you got? I saw Y/N running away." Lauren asked, sitting next to me. Ever since I got home, they've been everywhere with me. They miss me, and I miss them.

"It's a letter from her," I mumbled moving the paper so only I could see. Her neat handwriting was the first I picked up on. She hated her writing, but I loved it. She must of had to work on this- it's her last year of school and she finishes in a few weeks.

I felt my heart fall into my stomach- could she really have not done that for me? Me? I'm the one who stopped her? Me?

"Mum!" I called weakly.

She ran into the room, pushing Lauren aside. "Are you crying?"

I sniffled. "What? No!" I defended weakly. "Uhm, she uhm... said she didn't go through with it because of me..." I feel stupid for crying. I'm twenty years old and I'm crying into my mothers shoulder about I a girl who I've been in love with since I was sixteen. I couldn't do anything cause she was so much younger than me... it seemed like a lot back then. I was sixteen and she was fourteen.

"Aww, what else did it say?" Mum rubbed my back.

"She loves me." I sighed, leaning back.

Harry looked at me. "Y/N? Loves you? She could do so much better..."

"Awww, does Y/N love you?" Lauren teased.

"I have to call her." I scrambled from my seat, pushing my phone to my ear, waiting for her to pick up.
You have gone to voice mail.

"Oh. My. God. You cannot be serious."