All it takes is one person. (Snapexreader)

Chapter 32 ~How much I trust you~

"Miss (y/l/n)?"
I slightly turned my head that had been facing the lean of the sofa, now looking directly at Snape.
"Professor?" I gave back softly. My through felt sore and itchy.
"How are you feeling?" He asked while getting up.
"Fine, " I replied a bit too quickly.
"Beyond your belief, I do possess such a thing as empathy... So don't lie to me, " he gave back flatly.
I took the blanket off of me sitting up.
"Beyond your belief, I never thought you had no empathy, " I dryly responded.
Snape raised an eyebrow.
"Thank you... For saving me... again. Now even from myself..."
"Why?"
"Why?"
"Why would you do anything like that, Miss (y/l/n)?" He asked a stern expression on his face.

(Atmosphere)

"Because I'm a stupid, egoistic brat, " I replied bitterly using his own words.
"I don't think you are. So I do not accept that as an answer, " he replied calmly.
Since when?
"I believe you do."
"Against everything I claimed in the past I do not. Get it into your head I'm not going to repeat it."
... Silence.
"I was desperate. I killed my only friend, the only one who actually liked me on this whole planet. I have betrayed her. There is no one else left I could turn to and I don't even blame them. I mean look at me. If it wasn't for my position as a spy and this sudden discovery of the emotionally triggered magic within me, nobody would have cared. They would have just scraped me off of the ground, " I answered his previous question.
Professor Snape looked me straight into my (y/e/c) eyes.
He was silent for a second.
Then he looked as if he was deep into thought as he began to talk.
"When I started working for the dark lord the only friend I ever had got murdered. She died because I gave information to the dark lord that made him decide to kill her. I betrayed her, " he sounded somehow monotone but I could sense his pain.
It reflected in his deep black eyes.
"That's not the same thing. It wasn't you who-"
"If it wasn't for me, she would still be alive. I killed her by spying for the dark lord. Different circumstances same effect, " he sounded so bitter but at the same time, he had something comforting. After all the things we experienced together, he decided to tell me this. Out of pity? To comfort me? Or maybe just because he felt it was the right thing to do?
"I'm sorry, " I simply said. I really was.
"I try to lock out everyone... All the time because I'm scared. Scared they could hurt me. But way more scared than I would be bad for them..." I somehow choked up.
"I can't hide from my own demons. I can't get rid of the beast inside of me."
It was silent again.
"I never told anyone but Dumbledors about this. I'm not trying to get more people involved... hurt... killed... I'm not trying to lose my act..." My professor confessed, interrupting the silence.
"After what happened last night...I-" he stopped.
"I'm sorry that you had to see this..." My voice was cracking. I was actually showing him how weak I was.
"I didn't talk about what happened in the tower. I was referring to the chimaera attack." He gave me a weird somehow intense look. I looked down at the ground.
"Oh"
"Why, Miss (y/l/n)? Why would you do that? Was it just your death wish?"
His expression was somewhat neutral again.
"I... I was just..."
"Yes, Miss (y/l/n)?"
"It was not about me, " I choked up.
"What was it about then?"
"It's not what it was about but who. I just couldn't let you sacrifice yourself."
He gave me a questioning look.
"We have been through this many times now. Only because you do not care about me does not mean I feel the same way. I always looked up to you, I trust you and know that you are a good person. Even if you don't admit it you are-" but I didn't get any further because he cut me off with something that caught me off guard.
"After everything, that happened last night, after everything, I just told you, you still believe that I don't care?"

It was silent for a moment. I just stared at him.
"Our chances of winning the war have increased since you are part of the death eaters-"
"I need to go, " I cut him off. Of course, it had been about my use and my use only.
He gave me a weird look.
"Can't stand the stupid, old bat anymore?" His voice was monotone. I was shocked for a minute. Haven't I made my point clear?
"All you care about is the war. You should have put it that way at the beginning, sir" I added the sir to gain some distance. Why was he giving me hope and then shatter it right after?! My mother always does that... Why does nobody care?
Professor Snape's face hardened again.
"That indeed is how much you trust me. This was a bad idea. I should have never had this conversation with you." He was standing there glaring down at me and I felt something inside of me shatter. The tears started to whelm up but I had myself under control. I got up from the sofa and stepped in front of him.
"No. This is how much I trust and respect you."
And with that, I grabbed both of his hands. He immediately pulled back but I already used the legilimens spell. I had no chance against his occlumency skills. So I decided to just throw the memories into his head and hopefully, he would look at them. To my surprise, I felt him connecting to me and lowering his wall allowing me to show the memories to him.
Me in his potions class, admiring his ability. Me telling other students off because they were talking shit about him. The one time I and Christine overheard the conversation between him and Umbridge and our conversation afterward. I seeing him walking in the snow that one night I sneaked out and the fact that I worried about him and not myself. The feeling of safety and trust that washed over me the night I had been in the forest facing the death eaters once I recognized him. Me killing my only friend always the thought in mind that if I didn't he would be in great danger. Him getting tortured from Voldemort and my developing hate and sorrow coming with it. The feeling of concern I had when we dueled. What I felt when I realized he was on the astronomy tower with me last night. And finally, the scene of the chimaera attack, the only thing on my mind had been saving him... Getting him out, not caring about myself one tiny bit.
I stopped the spell and opened my eyes only to meet the ones of my professor. We were just staring at each other.
"Promise me, " he said.
"Promise me you will never try anything like on that tower again."
I was surprised not to say shocked.
"I...I-"
"(Y/n), please, " he looked defeated.
"I won't. I promise, " I weakly replied.
Then I looked down realizing I hadn't let go of his hands jet.
"Oh, sorry..."
"Nevermind, " he responded softly. "You should get some more sleep."
"Yeah" I stepped back. Searching for my wand. Spotting it on the table I grabbed it.
"I'll go to my dormitory then..."
"You shouldn't go to class tomorrow. Dumbledore has already informed your teachers that you are feeling unwell and won't show up tomorrow."
"Alright"
"Good night, Miss (y/l/n)."
"Good night, Professor."
And with that, I left.

A/N: So I'm sick af but finally the painkillers are starting to kick in, so I decided to drop a chapter for you, so you don't have to suffer with me. 😜
Please tell me your opinion about the chapter in the comments and vote if you enjoyed it!
Until next time. 🙃