All it takes is one person. (Snapexreader)

Chapter 45 ~realization~

The training with professor Snape was very uncomfortable from now on. I only talked as much as needed and kept quiet most of the time. He didn't like me not one bit... In fact, he hated me... And it tore me apart.
I had a few more talks with Draco and he told me he would call me once he would be about to complete his mission... I was scared... Not for myself but for him. My professor. He was right I was a fool.

(Atmosphere)
I had gone back into the memory of Christmas eve because it had been one of my only happy memories giving me some hold... But then I had noticed something... There on the table... had been a picture... A picture of a woman... It had only been a fragment of a picture like it had been ripped of a bigger picture... He had been watching the picture before I came... While he got drunk... I wasn't a dumb person... I could count two and two together.
As I stared onto the lake my eyes where dull, my expression empty a single tear running down my face.
I should have known all along... It all made sense... He didn't want anyone close to him because there was someone he loved. But his love was never returned. I went back into the memory taking a closer look at the picture... those eyes they seemed... familiar... It hit me like a train. Potter. His Patronus... His hate against the boy who lived... It all made perfect sense. A sob escaped my lips. She had been dead for years! She had been married to another guy... And he still loved her. I didn't stand a chance! That's why he became a double agent... It was all for her... Then one woman he loved.
This all had no point anymore... Why?! WHY!!!
"WHY!!!" I heard myself scream. Tears started spilling from my eyes. No!
"NO!" Of course, I felt very bad for him... Who knows what happened back then... But the realization felt like someone had stabbed a knife right into my chest.
I felt my knees give out and myself hitting the ground. Why was I still alive? What was the point in all of this? I cried. No. Why doesn't it just end??? Please, I don't want this anymore. Make it stop. I sobbed violently. It was all senseless I could never replace someone who he loved that much. How did I never notice anything before? I was so stupid... The thing with the cloak on the astronomy tower it wasn't kindness... He just tried to cover me up... Because he was only a man too and a lonely one at that... His weird reactions it had all just been based on physical appearance... I felt like a fool... Why did I even bother to think he could care for me?! It was all over. There was no chance.

I didn't know how long I had been lying there but it had been quite a while. Sharp pain in my left underarm brought me back to reality. The dark lord was calling. I got off the ground dusting off my muddy robes. I had to leave. I walked up to the lake looking at my reflection. Fuck... The make up I had worn was everywhere... I grabbed my handkerchief and wetted one part of it up using an argument. Quickly I wiped the rest of my makeup off. It was pretty obvious that I had cried... But it's not like anyone would care...
I headed towards the entry gate.
With a flick of my wand, it opened for me... It was a spell that reacted to the wand's signature... Only opening for those, who were allowed to enter. As I stepped outside I saw Snape standing there ready to apparate. Keeping my head down I myself apparated.
When I arrived he was there quickly after. As he caught a quick glance of me face he gave me a weird look. I didn't do anything just waited for him to take the lead because Voldemort would expect us to come in together as a good and obedient student walking behind the professor. Professor Snape indeed took the lead walking into the building.
"Ah Severus, (Y/n) now we should be complete, " the dark lord greeted us as we sat down on our usual places meaning me at Snape's right side. I was so dead and empty on the inside I didn't even care about sitting in front of the dark lord anymore.
"This meeting will be an example, an example of what we do to traitors."