Only his surrogate

Nine

I was startled by a sharp stabbing excruciating pain in the middle of the night - i felt wet, i knew exactly what was happening flashbacks of two years ago came flooding back. No. this cannot be happening. 

I held in the screams. i switched on my light my bed was covered in blood. i managed to get myself out of bed and stumble across the hall to Leyton's room he was sleeping peacefully he looked so handsome even asleep. "Ah!" i cried out in a quiet but loud enough sound so it awoke him, i fell to the floor holding my stomach. "April!!!" he exclaimed rushing over cradling me in his arms - he dialled 911. his face full of fear and worry. How could i let this happen? Was it me? 

we reached the hospital, i was cradled in Leytons arms he drove here the ambulance would of taken too long, honestly it was all a blur .. i was sedated from panicking too much. I was laying upon the bed when Dr tyler came into the room. "April ..." she began i knew what she was going to say. She had a ultrasound machine with her, i couldnt bare to look at the screen. Leyton was grasping my hand he never let go. "Im going to scan you - see exactly what is going on -" she smiled softly, but sympathetically. 

What felt like hours was five minutes - "Whats happened? is everything ok?" Leyton asked. i could hear the hurt and worry in his voice. "Im so sorry .. Unfortunately, there is no baby. April you have suffered a miscarriage" those words. the words i have heard before. 

the room was silent. I couldnt bare to look at Leyton, i have failed him. I have failed me. Dr Tyler explained what i needed to do for the next couple of days or a week. It was a blur. I got changed. "Lets get you home, April" Leyton said softly, helping me off the bed and walking with me slowly towards the exit, baby cries filled the halls. I had to tell him ... 

We arrived back home, I could hear Leyton explaining to Jane what happened. I just went upstairs to my room. I dug out the memory box i kept all these years. My heart was filled with the same heart ache as before - How will i ever give anyone the chance to be a parent if i am unable to carry one? 

My babys first scan - the tests - blankets - teddies. There was a light knock at my door. "April?" it was him. i wiped my tears ... "yeah ... come in" i replied softly. he pushed the door open and closed it behind him. He crouched down on the floor sitting beside me, i realised i had the box open. 

"Leyton ... I need to tell you something" I looked up at him with tear filled eyes .. 

"I miscarried two years ago, i was 17 weeks"