Only his surrogate

Eighty two.

- Leyton -

Our Christmas together was perfect everything I ever wanted and more.

My family arrived first - I knew it was tough but it was smiles all round. I got talking to Frankie in the kitchen little not knowing that April overheard everything.

I didn't mean for it to happen like this. But it has.

She reacted the way I thought she was, supportive.
I was extremely lucky to have her support and love beside me. Holding me up.

"Well go see her Wednesday ... my mom will have the twins" I couldn't love her more if I tried I just kissed her softly with no reply.

We enjoyed the rest of the day and evening with everyone around us despite the current circumstances.

It was just myself and my wife left when everyone had left. "You know you don't have to be strong all the time ..." she says softly as she puts her arms around my waist from behind resting her head on my back.

I just placed my hands over hers with no words. Without April or my children if this happened? I don't know what would happen.

"I've got you always .... Leyton. It's ok not to be ok. We'll fight this together ... we will get through this together" hearing her reassuring words made it all the better even though it was far from ok.

I pulled her round so her head was on my chest. "I love you" was all I whispered as we stood in the same position for a while.

I didn't have to say anything and April knew how I was feeling - from here on out it will be a long winding road ...

All I know? I will never let my children fall out with their mother in any way ... when something like this happens it puts into perspective what can and will happen.

—-

The following day we saw close friends for a further Christmas lunch and gift exchanging as well as telling them all our new expecting news.

I guess out of all what is happening this is the best thing to happen to us right now ...

I just knee the day was nearer to when we saw mother, being I don't know the alpha of the family it was down to me to be the one who holds the pieces together no matter how tough it's getting or it gets.
Without me everyone would just fall ... and I couldn't let that happen.

But eventually it will fall and break because I will break.

This isn't something to just sleep upon and wish for a new better day, I'm waking up wondering if this is the last day. If this is the day I'll hear those words.

Every day is a new different day awaiting the phone call.

Putting all thoughts in the back of my mind. I concentrated on Alfie and Aubrey and April. Bringing joy to everyone as we announced our news despite what was really happening.

As long as my family was safe I know I've done something right.

I just don't like to think that this could be the last Christmas we haven't spent with mother.

Time to face the music