All The Mixed Feelings (Van McCann)

Part 7

Abby

I awoke with a start, nearly tumbling off the sofa. My headache had returned with a vengeance and I sat up, cradling my head in my hands as if it would somehow relieve the pain. A loud knock sounded from the front door, startling me.

Who the hell was that? Whoever it was they were very insistent. The knocking came again, louder this time. I groaned as I looked down at myself. I was still dressed in Van's t-shirt and a quick look in the mirror over the fireplace as I gingerly got to my feet showed my smudged make-up and dishevelled appearance. I considered dashing upstairs to get changed but on hearing the knock sounding again I crept to the door. It was more than likely just a delivery driver. Eve was always ordering things online and she'd be mad at me for ignoring it.

I slowly opened the door a crack, peering out. "Chris!" I gasped, stepping backwards in surprise. "What the hell are you doing here?"

He didn't look his usual pristine self. He was wearing the same clothes he'd had on last night, and his scruffy blond hair looked unwashed and unkempt. His red-rimmed and blood-shot eyes suggested he'd not slept a wink.

"Abby, we need to talk. I've been trying to get hold of you all night and day."

"You can't come in," I said firmly. "Eve would go nuts." I felt a mixture of anxiety and anger bubbling up inside me.

"Fuck Eve!" He scowled, then after a moment his expression softened, as if he had mentally told himself to keep his temper in check. "I just wanna talk, that's all."

"I don't know Chris, my head's pretty messed up at the moment. I don't want to hear your excuses. And I don't want to fight. I'm tired of fighting."

His large frame filled the doorway. He leant against the door, easing it open slightly. "Come on Abby, we were good together. Don't throw it all away for a stupid mistake."

This angered me. "You're the one throwing it away! And what for?" I spat. "I just hope she was worth it!"

"She wasn't! It meant nothing to me! I don't even remember her name!"

"You're unbelievable!" I cried. "You actually think that makes it better? Just go Chris! Leave!"

I grasped the door and tried to push it shut, but Chris's weight against the door made it impossible. I cried out in frustration and Chris firmly grabbed my hands, pulling me towards him so I was forced to look into his eyes which were soft now, pleading. "I can't do this without you. I'm a fucking mess. Everything's gone to shit without you. I can change, please... just give me a chance."

Looking into his eyes I could see the pain pooling there, the regret at what had happened. I felt my resistance breaking down. Tears pricked my eyes and I tried to blink them away. Why couldn't he just go?  He was easier to get over when he wasn't standing in front of me, a broken man.

"My mum's kicked me out," he suddenly blurted out, looking down.

"What? What happened?"

Chris had let go of me now and he backed away. He rubbed under his eyes with the back of his hand, head still down. He hated anyone to see him cry, even me.

His mum was his rock. The one constant in his turbulent life that would never budge, never falter. I stepped towards him, instinctively reaching out for him, the hurt he'd caused me fleeing to the corners of my mind to be replaced with concern for him.

"Tell me what happened," I said, my voice soft.

He looked up then, his eyes glistening. "She said I reminded her too much of him."