All The Mixed Feelings (Van McCann)

Part 9

Abby

Saturday rolled around and there I was, packing for my trip to the city, my stomach a mixture of excitement and nerves. Excitement to see the band, and if I was honest with myself, a particular front man. Nerves, because things hadn't been brilliant with Chris the last few days. After I'd left him in the pub a few days before he'd gone on a bender and rang me at 2am, ranting incoherently. Something about someone making a fool out of him and a threat directed at me about what would happen if I did the same. I'd cut him straight off, and the next day he'd called meekly, full of apologies. I let it slide, blaming the alcohol, still plagued by worries of where this was headed but with no conviction to do anything about it.

I heard a knock on my bedroom door as I was dragging a brush through my long brown hair, ready to try and tame it with straighteners. Eve appeared.

"Excited for your night out then?" She said, stepping over and taking the straighteners from me, starting to style the back of my hair.

She looked at my reflection in the mirror with a little smile as I nodded. "Remember when I used to brush your hair when mum wouldn't get up to help us get ready for school?"

I smiled back at her reflection in the mirror. "Yeah, and I used to cry 'cause you weren't gentle at all! I think you did it on purpose!"

Eve laughed. "You used to scream the house down!" She went quiet for a moment, sadness in her eyes. "God, I miss her sometimes, don't you?"

"I don't really remember much about the good times.... you know... before she was... sick..."

Mum's sickness had been her addiction. I hated to speak about it for what it was. It started when my dad left her broken hearted and ate away at her through the years, as destructive as any cancer. It finally took her from us eight years ago. You hear of people battling addictions. Well, mum didn't battle. She just kind of gave up on life, and us.

Eve got a faraway look in her eyes. "She was amazing Abby. Her and dad... they were happy once. Can't you remember the kitchen discos?"

I shook my head and she continued. "You know how dad loved his music? He'd turn it up so loud, I used to moan and cover my ears but you loved it. It was always The Beatles, Bowie or The Stones. He used to grab you and put you on his shoulders. Then he'd swing mum round and round until she got dizzy. She used to laugh so much... she had a beautiful laugh."

I was only seven when dad left us, so my memories were hazy, but a few stuck in my mind. "I remember dad playing his guitar all the time to me. He always said he'd teach me."

We both looked over to the corner of my room where an old battered acoustic guitar was propped up. I'd never learnt.

"That bloody guitar, he was always on it." She finished straightening my hair and grabbed the brush, smoothing it down. "You're so lucky you know, you got all the good bits from mum. Her gorgeous thick hair, your beautiful green eyes... and you're so much like her, sweet and kinda shy. She always used to see the good in people too... no matter what they'd done."

The last sentence was not lost on me. I turned to face her. "See, I thought you were just complimenting me then. But you had to go and say something, didn't you?"

Eve held her hands up. "It's just an observation!"

I stood up, sighing, and grabbed my bag, stuffing my makeup and toiletries bag inside.

"I heard you crying the other night," she said, following me as I made my way out the room.

"Just leave it Eve, it's nothing for you to worry about."