All The Mixed Feelings (Van McCann)

Part 67

Van

As I drove away from Abby's I realised I was still grinning like a complete idiot but I couldn't stop. It finally felt like maybe, just maybe we had a chance. There was so much happening in both our lives but when she was in front of me it all seemed to fall away, it was just like background noise.

We needed time. Time to do the little things, the simple things. Those were what I craved the most with her. Seeing her smile light up a room, holding her hand, waking up next to her in the morning and feeling her soft skin against me at night.

The only trouble was time was in short supply for me and would be getting even scarcer with all the band commitments, but this was important. Abby was important. She might have even been the most important thing to me right then.

For not the first time recently I felt a twinge of something inside me, and it made me uneasy. These feelings were overwhelming and they frightened me a little. I was never one for holding back, but I thought to myself that I needed to be careful, take my time, apply the brakes.

I couldn't believe I'd told her I was falling for her. The words had just slipped out. Now I was worrying it would frighten her off. I knew I was a little full-on sometimes. What had Emily said? I was too intense.

Emily... I sighed as I pulled up outside my house. It was obvious that Abby felt threatened by her and I didn't want that. I knew I'd have to talk to Emily. I liked her and enjoyed her company but I couldn't start putting her up at my house every time she wanted to come to a gig. Not if it made Abby feel uncomfortable.

I opened the door and stepped inside, immediately hearing the unmistakeable sound of Emily's laughter coming from the living room. I stepped into the doorway and was a little surprised to see Sam sitting there on the sofa next to Emily. They both noticed my presence and looked up.

"Van," Emily said quickly. "How come you disappeared off in such a rush?"

"Errr... Abby needed to get back quickly so I offered to take her..."

"Is she okay?" Sam spoke hurriedly, obviously concerned. I wondered what secrets of Abby's Sam was privy to that I didn't know. They were obviously close and it stung to think that she might confide in him about her hopes and fears. The realisation that they'd more than likely probably spoken about me when I'd let her down twisted my insides.

"She's fine Sam, you don't need to worry about her," I said, trying to keep the edge of jealousy out of my voice and failing.

Sam shifted in his seat, a slight look of discomfort on his face. "Hope you didn't mind me coming back, Larry said it was okay."

"Yeah, yeah of course it's okay," I said, forcing a smile, hoping it looked more genuine than my voice sounded. "I'm just gonna go for a smoke..."

I quickly ducked out of the room and entered the kitchen just as Larry was picking up the kettle, ready to pour water into the mugs he'd lined up.

"Good timing!" He said, grabbing an extra mug off the side. He put the kettle down when he saw my face.

"How come you invited Sam back?" I said, my voice hushed.

"Come on, he's okay. Just give him a chance," Larry said. "And besides, him and Emily... they looked kinda cosy in the car."

That surprised me. Larry carried on, smiling. "Wouldn't that be the perfect solution if those pair ended up together, eh?"

"It actually bloody would!" I agreed, grinning, freeing a cigarette from my packet and lighting up as I stepped to the back door and pushed it open.