All The Mixed Feelings (Van McCann)

Part 14

My phone lay on the bed and lit up with yet another call from Chris every so often, prompting fresh tears to fall. I paced the room, not knowing what to do.

What if he had somehow found out where I was and was on his way here? I could only imagine how mad he would be. As much as I hated to admit it, for the first time I actually felt scared of him. The feeling was ice cold in my guts, twisting every now and again as I imagined him turning up and physically dragging me out of the hotel. I tried to tell myself there was no way he knew where I was. The only people who knew we were at this hotel were actually here. I just had to hope and pray that his anger would have subsided by tomorrow.

Tomorrow. I couldn't even begin to think about how I would handle things then when I had to actually face him.

I lay down on the bed, curled into a foetal position, willing sleep to take over but it was futile.

I wanted to call Michelle, but I didn't want to ruin her night. It was silly really, she wouldn't mind, and in fact she would be mad with me for not calling her when I felt this way.

I spotted the bottle of wine on the side that we'd opened whilst we were getting ready and grabbed for it, slipping out of the hotel room and wandering down the corridor, unsure where I was headed. I found myself in the deserted hotel reception area and crossed to the door, opening it and peering outside into the night. The hotel was set back from the main road so it was pretty quiet but I could hear the muted hustle and bustle of the city night in the distance.

The day had been warm but the night was chilly. I shivered a little, making my way over to the outdoor seating area and slumping down, taking a long slug from the bottle of wine.

What a way to end the night. I wiped away the tears that were still gathering with the back of my hand.

I didn't hear the automatic doors of the hotel open behind me, so when a tall figure appeared at the side of me I practically jumped out of my skin.

"You look like you could use some company," Van looked down at me, gesturing to the seat beside me.

I quickly turned my head, wiping again at my eyes. What the hell was he doing out here? I quickly checked behind him, expecting to see Alice but he appeared to be on his own.

"Just come out for a fag," he said, sitting down next to me and lighting up. He turned his head as he blew out the smoke, so it didn't travel in my direction, then he was looking at me. "I'm sorry about Alice."

I glanced at him and then looked down, not wanting him to see that I was upset. "Don't worry about it, it's not your fault."

"Shit, have you been crying?" He leaned forward, but I let my hair fall down over my face to obscure his view.

"No, I'm fine," I said and I knew it sounded unconvincing.

I heard him sigh deeply. "She's not all bad you know. She just gets insanely jealous. And she's been through some shit, so she acts that way sometimes. I know that doesn't excuse it, but..."

"It's fine, really. Besides I'm not upset about Alice." I had to stop him, but knew there'd be questions. I took another huge gulp from the wine, and then offered it to Van. "There's that drink I owed you!" I laughed humourlessly.

He took it from me and also took a drink, setting it down after on the table in front of us. I'd placed my phone there and it lit up with another call, silent but vibrating. Chris's name glowed on the screen.

Van watched me watching the phone until the call ended. '10 missed calls' displayed on the screen.

"Oh, I see," was all he said, and he shifted in his seat. We sat silently for a while, looking out into the night, him smoking and both of us taking it in turns to drink from the wine bottle.