All The Mixed Feelings (Van McCann)

Part 19

Van

I felt cool hands wrap around me, resting on my bare chest, making me jolt awake. I could see the bright morning light filtering in through a gap in the blinds. I turned to see Alice lying in bed next to me, hair disheveled, make up smudged, eyes a little glazed from partying hard.

"Morning baby..." she whispered, then I felt one hand trail down and tug on the waistband of my boxers. "Mmm... I'm feeling horny..."

I felt a slight stirring but gripped her wrist nevertheless, moving her hand away.

"What time is it?" My voice was thick with sleep.

"Dunno... maybe 7am?" She giggled.

That brought me round a bit. "Where the hell you been all this time?"

Her eyes left mine, and she slunk off the bed, crossing the room and peering out the blinds onto the city below. "Just clubbing..."

I sat up in bed. "Until 7am?"

She spoke without looking at me. "Well a few of us went back to Sean's hotel..."

"That prick from earlier? Alice, what the hell you doing going back to some strange guy's hotel room?"

There was that knot in my stomach again. I was wide awake now. My phone vibrated on the night-stand and I grabbed it, noticing several text notifications from our manager Dave.

"You don't need to be jealous baby, you're the only one for me, you know that..." She turned and unzipped her dress, letting it fall to the floor.

That would normally have got my full attention, but I was curious about the texts from Dave. I opened the first one.

I'm sorry to have to do this but thought you should know...

I opened the next one, it was a photo. A couple kissing in a crowded nightclub, the guy sat down with the girl sitting astride him. They were completely oblivious to the crowds around them. It took me a second to realise what I was looking at. I felt sick to the pit of my stomach.

I looked over the phone at Alice, who was walking towards the bed. She stopped in her tracks when she saw my expression. "What's up?"

I tossed the phone across the bed so it fell within her reach and she grabbed it, her face falling as she saw the image. She opened her mouth to speak, changed her mind and then closed it.

I expected to feel anger surge through me but just felt numb. "You wanna tell me what the fuck's going on?"

Alice's eyes instantly brimmed with tears as she dropped the phone, a hand going up to her mouth in shock. "I was drunk and fucked up. It was just a kiss. I swear that's all it was. It didn't mean anything."

I didn't want to look at her, didn't want to hear the excuses. I needed a smoke. The knot in my stomach tightened and I felt nauseous. I got up, pulling on my jeans that I'd discarded in a pile on the floor.

"Van?" She crossed the room to me and reached out for me but I backed off.

"Don't touch me!" I hissed, pulling on my shirt and quickly buttoning it up.

"Van please!" She whined. "It was a mistake! I love you!"

I grabbed my cigarettes and lighter off the side, crossing to the door. "I've tried with you, I've really tried. I suggest you start packing up all your shit. I don't want you here when I get back from the radio interview."

The devastation on her face was evident but I didn't waver. I could forgive her for all the jealousy shit she put me through but not this betrayal. Tears streamed down her face, black rivers thick with mascara. "Where am I gonna go?" She wailed.