All The Mixed Feelings (Van McCann)

Part 71

Abby

True to his word Van came home the following day. I should have been impatient to see him, I should have made plans to go round to his house without hesitation. He'd put everything on the line for me after all. It was the least I could do. But the truth was I was apprehensive about seeing him. Just speaking to him on the phone had me sobbing so I could only imagine what seeing him face to face would do.

Eve wouldn't stop fussing round me and I tried to act normally, but I felt like I was fading away, losing my mind slowly. I should have been getting better, looking to the future, but I felt like I was drowning, slipping under the surface. And I didn't know why.

I held out for two days, until Larry called me telling me that Van was driving him up the wall and pleaded with me to go and see him. He'd had strict instructions not to drive for a week because of the blow he'd had to his head, and was going crazy stuck at home.

I took extra time getting ready, trying to conceal the darkening bruise under my eye with makeup, trying to make myself look pretty. I just didn't feel pretty these days, when I looked back at my reflection I felt like a ghost of myself was looking back at me. I sighed and stood up to leave the house.

As I neared Van and Larry's, there was a twinge in my gut. Nerves mixed with something else. Larry pulled open the door almost immediately when I rang the bell, almost like he'd been standing there waiting for me.

"Abby! How are you? How glad am I to see you?" Then he lowered his voice a little. "Honestly Van's been driving me mental. Don't think he's ever had to just sit and do nothing for quite so long before. Hopefully he'll chill out a bit when he's seen you."

I could imagine how hard this was for Van. He was such a driven person, and he always had to be doing something. The fact that I felt mostly responsible for him being in this situation weighed heavily on me.

I knew I'd find it hard to see Van after what had happened but I wasn't ready for the sight I was met with. Van was half sitting, half lying, reclined on the sofa, and as soon as I entered the room he scrambled to sit upright. You could see by his expression that the effort to do this pained him. And his face...

Both of his eyes had dark bruised rings underneath, and one eye was partially swollen shut. He had a gash on his left cheek which was surrounded by purplish bruising and his mouth had cuts around it which had scabbed over. I reacted in shock, rooted for a moment where I stood, a hand clamped over my mouth to stop the gasp that threatened to burst from me.

"Oh my god Van!" I finally cried, as my shock gave way to a desperation to hold him, and I darted forward, throwing myself on to his lap and wrapping my arms round him.

A kind of stifled grunt erupted from Van, like he'd had all the wind knocked out of him and I immediately realised my error in squeezing him so tightly whilst he was so badly hurt.

"Ahh Abby watch the ribs!" He groaned, but as I pulled back I saw that he was smiling, a sort of crooked smile which is all his injuries would allow.

"Your poor face," I said, reaching out to touch him, pulling back when he winced.

"Don't think I can give Brandon Flowers a run for his money any more!" He chuckled, and then his hands were on my face, drawing me close, his thumbs lightly brushing my cheeks.

His eyes seemed to glisten as he scanned my face before settling on my bruises. "No one's ever gonna hurt you again Abby."

He leant forward and planted a small kiss on my forehead just where my hair parted.

"I've been so worried about you," I said, my voice coming out croaky as I tried not to let my emotions take over once again.

"Well, now you've seen me you don't need to worry anymore. It might look bad but it doesn't hurt too much. I'll be back to my old self in no time, just you wait and see."