All The Mixed Feelings (Van McCann)

Part 75

Abby

I stole surreptitious glances at Van as we made our way back along the coastal road towards his old home town. He looked fine, in fact he'd not actually stopped grinning since we'd got back in the car.

He didn't seem phased at all about rushing off. I wondered whether he was genuinely happy about it or whether he was just humouring me. I felt guilty that he'd felt like we had to leave. He'd obviously put some thought into taking me there, and I'd gone and acted completely ungratefully. I had the urge to apologise, but then I thought of Van's earlier words and bit my tongue.

"You know I'm actually pretty relieved we didn't stop there," he said after a moment. "I'm not really into all that poncey stuff."

I felt a twinge of relief, but I still felt bad. "Are you sure you don't mind? I felt kind of silly for rushing off. The looks that guy gave us..."

Van laughed. "It's okay, honestly. I don't really do posh grub. Seven course taster menu and we'd probably still be hungry when we left and craving a burger!"

I laughed too. "Or fish and chips, hey?"

He nodded. "Best chippy in Llandudno, you'll see."

We drove in comfortable silence for a short while until Van spoke again.

"It was Larry's idea you know. I mean, I said I wanted to take you somewhere special and he suggested it. I guess it doesn't really matter where you are though, it's the company that's the most important thing..."

He trailed off, glancing over with that little smile on his lips again, the one that made my belly flip. His eyes held a certain glint when he looked at me in that way. I didn't think I'd ever get used to it, and wasn't sure if I ever wanted to. Being with Van felt simultaneously like a comfort but also with an edge of excitement that set my heart racing with a nervous kind of exhilaration.

"I guess so..." I said shyly.

"Even if I DID have to engineer this whole thing just to see you," he added.

This just made me feel shame again for keeping him at arm's length, but before I could dwell on that Van launched into telling me stories about him growing up in Llandudno as a kid and I was relieved that I didn't need to justify why I'd acted the way I had been. That was just the thing with Van, despite how intense he was at times, he could also be completely undemanding at others. By the time he had pulled into a parking spot on the seafront I was feeling much more relaxed and my worries seemed distant.

We got out and walked the short distance to the fish and chip shop he'd been raving on about.

"That smells so good," I said, clutching my belly as it rumbled. "I'm hungrier than I thought."

We stepped inside. "I can't actually believe what a cheap date you are," he laughed.

"So... this is a date?" I smiled back at him, trying for a flirty tone, although the looks I got back told me he didn't actually need any encouragement.

We took our food and wandered down to the beach, taking a seat on a bench with a view of the bay and the pier stretching out into the sea. It really was a beautiful day, the sun was warm on my skin and there was a pleasant background murmur of holiday makers laughing and chatting on the beach, distant waves lapping on the shore and seagulls whirling overhead.

I was suddenly struck by a memory. I must have been about six, on this very beach, digging in the sand, me and my dad in a furious competition to build a sandcastle higher and bigger than Eve's. My mum watching on, a huge smile on her face. The images were so vivid in my head, I didn't realise I was so caught up in it until Van's face swam into view.