All The Mixed Feelings (Van McCann)

Part 60

Van

I don't know what I'd expected. Maybe a part of me had hoped that just the very act of seeing each other again would magically wipe away all the mistakes. It hadn't. There'd been something though. When I'd laid eyes on her for the first time in all those weeks it was like being hit by a bolt of electricity. The memories of her in my mind, the photos I'd pored over online, none of them did her justice. Seeing her again with her beautiful green eyes and delicate porcelain skin just affirmed to me how deep in I was.

It pained me to see how wary she was of me, how she was afraid to take a chance, certain that I'd hurt her. I knew I had some way to go to prove myself to her, but I was willing to fight.

As I started the walk back to my house that night I thought of all the circumstances that had led to this point. Although a stroke of fate had brought us together, it was like swimming against the tide. So many things kept happening to keep us apart. And now I had the added complication of Emily showing up at mine, making Abby doubt me again. It was like some divine force was having a sick joke at my expense. But hadn't I said before that if something was worth it, it was never easy?

Larry shot down the hallway as soon as I came through the door, talking in hushed tones.

"What happened? Did you sort things with Abby?" He ushered me into the kitchen.

"Why are you whispering? Where's Emily?"

Larry closed the kitchen door and seemed to relax, his shoulders slumping. "Bloody hell Van you've missed a right load of drama! Emily's upstairs. She was dead upset about Amanda buggering off without her and was blubbering on about wanting to see you. I didn't know what to do with her. I said she could go and have a lie down in your room. That was about half an hour ago. Don't know if she's fallen asleep or not."

"MY room? We've got a spare room you know. Why didn't you tell her to sleep in there?"

Larry shrugged. "Dunno..."

"Christ Larry, I'm trying my best to convince Abby she's the only woman for me and I've got some girl sleeping in my bed up there!"

Larry looked annoyed. "Don't blame me. She came here to see you."

I sighed. "I know, sorry I snapped. It's been a long day. I'm knackered, I'm jet-lagged. Abby doesn't trust me. I just feel pissed off."

I sat down and lit up a cigarette, told Larry about what had happened with Abby, then listened to him as he filled me in on the events that had transpired after I'd left the party.

"So hold on, you're telling me that nothing actually happened with Bondy and Amanda?"

Larry shook his head. "Apparently not, well according to him he was just being friendly when he agreed to her visiting. But she had other ideas... she wasn't happy when he turned her down. She was dead upset, you should have seen her! It was a nightmare!"

We chatted for a bit longer until I felt my eyes stinging with tiredness. I'd lost track of how many hours I'd been up after barely sleeping the night before due to my body clock being screwed up. I trudged up the stairs, considering heading straight for the spare room but I noticed that the door of my room was slightly ajar so I tiptoed over and peered in.

"Van!" Emily was wide awake and had jumped off the bed and was rushing to me within a second.

"Emily! Are you okay? I thought you might be asleep." I returned her hug a little awkwardly, pulling away and noting her tear stained cheeks.

Straight away Emily was off in her usual enthusiastic manner, hardly pausing for breath.

"I'm okay... I guess. Although I could bloody kill Amanda! We had such a row! I don't know what's got into her. Since she met Johnny in New York she's been acting like a different person. I told her not to visit him, I said he was just being friendly, but she was on about having a final fling before the big day. I mean it's totally ridiculous, she shouldn't even be getting married!"