All The Mixed Feelings (Van McCann)

Part 16

Warnings: This chapter contains some abusive behaviour... it's not too graphic but just wanted to warn people.

Abby

"You may as well drop me off to see Chris now," I told Michelle as we neared our hometown.

She glanced at me with an uneasy look. "Really? You want to see him right now?"

I sighed deeply. "If I avoid him it's just going to make things worse. I'd rather just get it over and done with."

Ten minutes later we were sitting outside the apartments where Chris was now staying. Michelle leaned over in her seat to peer up at the building. "Is this it? Looks pretty swish for Chris."

"It's actually his friend Matt's place," I said. "He's decided to stay with him for a bit. I hope Matt's not there actually. There's something about him I just don't like."

"Well I hope he IS there. Hey, do you want me to come up with you?"

"Stop fussing!" I told my friend. "Look, I'll be fine. When Chris messes up he's normally on his best behaviour. He probably can't remember half of the messages he sent last night. He sounded wasted on the voicemails."

If I can't have you Abby, no one can.

I ignored the chill that ran through me as his voicemail message replayed in my head, and I promised Michelle I would call her later, grabbing my bag and getting out of the car. I considered calling Chris before buzzing his flat and stood for a good few minutes procrastinating. Eventually I took a deep breath and pressed the buzzer. There was no response so I waited a few minutes and tried again. There was a crackling sound over the intercom before I heard Chris's voice on the other end. "Abby?"

"It's me, can I come up?"

No reply, but I heard the lock on the door release. I let myself in, climbing the three flights of stairs a lot slower than I needed to. As I rounded the corner I saw an apartment door that was slightly open and the number on the door confirmed that I was at the right place. I walked slowly into the entrance but it was silent and there was no sign of him. I called his name uneasily.

"In here," came his voice from somewhere within. I closed the door and walked through to the living room, dismayed at the sight before me.

Chris wasn't normally the tidiest of people, but even by his standards the place was a mess. The coffee table was littered with beer cans. There was a pizza box with a few uneaten slices strewn over one of the sofas. I spotted residue of some white powder on the glass surface of the table next to a rolled twenty pound note. Chris was perched on the edge of the sofa, hunched over slightly but looking up at me. He was wearing a stony expression and his eyes were wild. He'd obviously not slept.

The uneasiness in the pit of my stomach intensified, and I stopped on the far side of the room, keeping my distance. "You had a party?" I tried a little smile, trying to lighten the intense atmosphere.

Chris glared at me. "Yeah Abby, I've had a party. It was a fucking blast! You should've come! Oh yeah, you couldn't could you? No, you were fucking your way around Manchester!"

He slammed his fist down on the coffee table, causing several cans to fall off and roll on to the floor. I flinched, my heart racing. I'd seen Chris mad so many times, but his anger was never normally aimed directly at me. The way his eyes flashed with rage made me feel deeply uncomfortable. But I could talk him down, I always could.

"Chris, please, you gotta calm down..."

"Don't you dare tell me to calm down!" He shouted. "I've been up all night trying to get hold of you. Why'd you turn your phone off?"