All The Mixed Feelings (Van McCann)

Part 64

Abby

I carried on pushing through the outer door of the venue into the night air, then I stopped, slumping back against the brickwork there. Now I'd come to a halt I immediately felt ridiculous. What would Van think of me rushing out before the gig was over? How would we ever move on if I couldn't even listen to him singing a song about what had happened? He'd probably think I was being completely melodramatic.

The door swung open and my gut twisted as Emily stepped out. She looked around and then her eyes fell on me and she headed over.

"Abby are you okay?" She looked concerned. "Michelle wanted to rush out after you but I said I'd come and see how you were."

"I'm fine," I said through gritted teeth, silently cursing Michelle. She knew damn well how I felt about Emily.

"Was it the song?"

"No, it's nothing," I lied. "I'm fine honestly."

I certainly wasn't going to confide in Emily, nervous she could use whatever I told her in some kind of effort to cause a rift between me and Van.

She was insistent. "Well, was it those girls then?" She paused, before chuckling to herself. "You know that would have been me a few months back!"

I felt myself stiffen, imagining Emily swooning over Van like some love-sick fan. She took in my expression, and suddenly backtracked. "Oh... I didn't mean... I mean I wasn't as bad as them..."

"I think I'm going to go back in and find Michelle," I said, pushing myself away from the wall.

Emily put out a hand, resting it on my arm, bringing me to a stop.

"Look... that came out wrong. I meant I was just a fan. I wasn't falling over myself to... you know... get with Van..."

Her smile looked forced, like she was trying to hide something. I didn't want to spend another minute in her presence but the thought occurred to me then that maybe I could find out whether Van had been telling me the truth about their relationship, to find out if there was more to it.

"You and Van do seem very close," I said, carefully watching her for any sort of reaction.

Her smile was back. "Oh yeah, we just kind of hit it off when we met in New York. I mean we've not known each other for long at all but he's so easy to get on with it feels like ages. He's such a sweetie don't you think?"

"Errr yeah..." I mumbled, trying to hide the annoyance which bubbled up inside me. But I was not good at hiding my feelings. I could tell they were written on me plainly when I saw Emily's expression change.

She was suddenly wide-eyed, her hand flying up to her mouth. "Oh my god Abby, you don't actually think there's something going on with me and Van do you?"

"No... no... of course not..."

She cut me off. "You really have nothing to worry about. I mean, yeah... I do admit I was kinda fan-girling a bit when I met him, but you know, that's to be expected when meeting the singer of your favourite band isn't it?"

I just looked back at Emily, feeling even more unsettled now, not quite knowing how to react.
The silence hung between us uncomfortably, but then Emily started talking, her words tumbling out quickly.

"Well we just hung out... it was great. There was this little cafe right near our apartments and they did proper tea. You know how Van is about his tea? Then we all went to Central Park... I mean the guys were so busy with gigs and interviews and stuff but Van would come over to our apartment after a show and we'd just sit and talk... It was really nice..."