All The Mixed Feelings (Van McCann)

Part 55

Van

The call from Abby had been like a slap round the face. No, more than that. Like being hit by a ten tonne truck.

I'd spent all this time thinking she didn't care, that it was just me who'd been torturing myself, but there had been no mistaking the anguish in her voice. Her tears. She'd sounded devastated.

My mind went back to first seeing her when she'd turned up in Manchester that night. The haunted look in her eyes, the deep sadness that had pooled there. It had almost broken me seeing her like that. If I'd realised that I'd caused her even a tiny amount of that pain...

I would have done what exactly? It seemed like at every turn I was making the wrong decision. And now she wasn't even answering my calls or messages.

I grabbed my cigarettes and slunk out on to the balcony, looking at the cityscape sprawling far and wide, colossal sky-scrapers reaching to the sky. I lit up a smoke, leaning out and looking down at the street below. It was mid-afternoon and the streets were busy, cars bumper to bumper, horns angrily blaring.

I became aware of a group down in the street below. They'd stopped and were looking up at me, a few were waving. I squinted against the glare. I could just make out a tall figure in a cap amongst the group. Was that Johnny down there? My phone starting ringing and I slipped it out of my pocket to see that Johnny was calling.

"Alright Bonds? Is that you down there?"

"Yeah, you coming down? I've just run into those girls from Liverpool that were at the meet and greet. Fancy coming to hang out with us for a while?"

I could hear the excited chatter of female voices in the background. I hesitated, not really in the mood, but what was the alternative? Sitting here on my balcony chain-smoking and feeling sorry for myself? Ringing Abby over and over again to be ignored?

We ended up in a coffee shop with the girls. Fully living up to the fact that they were away for a hen do, they were loud and rowdy but a lot of fun. A couple of the girls were lavishing all their attention on Johnny, even the bride to be, and he was lapping it up, much to my amusement.

The waitress came to take our order, and I grabbed the menu, scanning it.

"They do real British tea in here," I heard a voice beside me and turned to see that Emily had moved over to take the seat right next to me. "That's the only reason we come here. Can't cope for long without having a proper cuppa, right?"

I smiled at her. "Too right. I'm glad Larry packed the Yorkshire tea when we came here or I don't know what I'd have done!"

Emily was bright and bubbly, and I found myself enjoying her company. She wanted to know everything about me and the band, and I relaxed after a while, welcoming the distraction from my worries. After I'd finished my tea I excused myself and wandered outside for a smoke. The door pushed open and Johnny was standing there, grinning, as he delved in his pocket for his own cigarettes.

"Those girls are crazy," he mused, lighting up.

"Yeah, especially that Amanda, you're gonna have to watch that one!" I chuckled. "And she's the one getting married!"

"How about Emily? She seems pretty into you," Johnny commented.

I took a deep drag on my cigarette, blowing out a plume of smoke. "She's just being friendly."

"Nah mate, she's definitely interested. Can't believe you've not noticed. You're not still hankering after Abby are ya?"

Hearing her name stung. The anger in her voice as she'd shouted down the phone at me rang around my head. "That ship has sailed. She fucking hates me!"