All The Mixed Feelings (Van McCann)

Part 70

Abby

"Cuppa?" Eve said, flicking the kettle on, then she turned to face me, leaning on the kitchen counter.

I smiled and nodded, jamming my phone into my back pocket. I'd spotted Eve's expression. The one she wore which meant 'I know exactly what you're doing', and to be fair she normally got it right.

"Why don't you just ring him?" She said.

"Huh?" Of course it was ridiculous, acting like I wasn't sure who she was talking about, earning an exasperated sigh from my sister.

"Van!" She blurted out. "You've been checking your phone every few minutes since you got off the phone with Larry. Just call him!"

"He's probably still in the hospital..." I protested. "He might not even have his phone yet..."

"Well ring him and find out then!"

I turned away, went for my phone but hesitated. Of course I wanted to hear from Van. I was desperate to hear how he was. But part of me was scared. What if he wasn't okay? It was obvious that Larry was playing it down. The questions buzzed incessantly through my mind.

What if he'd been hurt worse and he didn't want me to know? What if he didn't get completely better? What if his injuries meant he'd not just have to postpone all the amazing opportunities his career was offering him? What if this ruined everything for him?

I wasn't stupid. I knew it wasn't easy for bands to hit the big time. You had to take every opportunity afforded to you to climb that stairway to the next step. Chances to record an album with a respected label and playing at Glastonbury? Opportunities like that didn't just get handed to you on a plate. You had to work at it. Van had the ambition and determination to take their band to the next level but now everything he'd worked for had been put on the line. And for what? A reckless decision to try and rescue me.

Van might think he wanted me in his life, but all I'd do was drag him down. Hold him back. Good things just didn't happen to me. Maybe I didn't deserve it. Maybe that was just the way things were, the hand that I'd been dealt in life.

The sound of the doorbell pulled me out of my thoughts, a welcome distraction. I pulled open the door to see Michelle and Sam standing there.

"Fucking hell Abs!" Michelle exclaimed no sooner than the door was open, practically diving for me and grabbing me into a hug. "I'm so glad you're okay!"

Then she was holding me at arms length, looking me up and down frantically. "You ARE okay aren't you?"

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine..." I started but she cut me off, her eyes full of tears as she took in my bruised face and the cuts on my forearms.

"I'm so sorry I didn't come back to yours. When you said Chris had phoned I should have realised he'd do something like this. I just can't believe it. I can't believe you've had to go through this all again."

Sam stepped over then, and I looked down to see the large cast on his right hand and lower arm. He gave me a hug too, squeezing me tightly with the other arm. "So glad you're alright Abby, I swear you gave me the biggest fright of me life. Didn't know what the fuck we'd find when we got round there."

"Sam, your poor hand," I said, my hand over my mouth trying to stifle the sobs that were threatening. "I'm so sorry... but thank you."

Sam shook his head. "No thanks needed."

"What I want to know is how the hell did you manage to land a punch on Chris?" Michelle was looking at Sam now, impressed. "He's like a bloody mountain! And you're... no offence Sam but you're just... Sam!"