All The Mixed Feelings (Van McCann)

Part 46

Van

I wasn't sure whether it was the steady thud inside my head or the piercing sunlight shining through the apartment window which roused me, but now I had woken all I wanted to do was shut out the world again and sink back into oblivion.

My mouth was dry, my eyes stung and it felt like someone had taken a jackhammer to my skull. I groaned and rolled over, every muscle in my body protesting at the movement.

Fuck, who is that?

A blonde girl was sprawled in the bed next to me, completely naked. She was lying on her front, her head turned towards me, and she was snoring softly. My stomach sank as flashbacks from the night before intruded. I remembered going to the bar, falling off a stool, knocking back shot after shot of whiskey. The thought sent a shudder through me as bile rose in my throat. I shot out of bed, realising I was also naked, and headed straight into the bathroom where I wretched and heaved until my body had expelled every drop of the previous night's indulgences. I stayed there for a good ten minutes, trying to piece together the blank spots from my memory. I remembered meeting a girl, she'd been a fan, the very same girl who was currently inhabiting my bed. I couldn't even remember her name. Amy? Anna? Annie? It began with A and sounded a bit like... Abby...

Shit, what have I done?

I put my head in my hands, cursing myself, but then images of Abby and Chris in each other's arms flooded my mind and I sighed.

I slowly got to my feet, crossed to the sink in the en-suite and ran the cold tap, splashing the water on my face and then bending my neck to drink hungrily directly from the tap.

I crept back into the room, not wanting to wake the girl who had intimately shared my bed but in reality was a complete stranger.

Nice one Van, bet ya mam would be really proud.

She sighed in her sleep, turning her head, but she didn't wake. I took in her shapely tanned frame, the intricate tattoos which adorned every limb, her sun-bleached blonde locks spread across the pillow. My younger self wouldn't have hesitated diving back into bed, rousing her from the depths of sleep with a few strategically placed kisses, but I just wanted to run away.

All I could think of was Abby lying in this same way only a day earlier, her beautiful alabaster skin just begging for me to reach out and touch her. If only I had done so, if only I'd taken her in my arms the next day, told her I wanted to be with her, and I didn't want anyone else. Maybe things would have turned out differently. Maybe not...

I looked around the floor of the room, searching for my underwear amidst the items of clothing that had been discarded in the heat of passion. Slipping into my boxers I quietly slipped out of the room, closing the door behind me.

Dave had booked us an apartment with a suite of rooms which led on to a large communal area with a kitchen and a wide balcony which looked out over an expansive boulevard lined with palm trees. I saw Larry and Bob sitting on the balcony and Johnny was in the kitchen brewing up some coffee. There was no sign of Benji.

The Californian heat hit me as I stepped out of the air-conditioned comfort of my room on to the balcony, adding to my discomfort in my hungover state.

All eyes turned to me as I stepped out, rubbing my eyes and squinting against the glare.

"Fuck me, good night McCann?" Johnny jested, a cigarette hanging between his lips.

I wasn't sure whether anyone was aware of the girl in my room, and I wasn't going to broadcast it if it wasn't the case. I just grumbled about how rough I felt and flopped down on the comfy seats where Larry and Bob were sitting, reaching for a cigarette.