All The Mixed Feelings (Van McCann)

Part 57

Abby

I'd already tried on ten different outfits and was just slipping into another when I heard Eve calling me from downstairs to say that Michelle had arrived to pick me up.

"Come up Michelle, I really need your opinion!" I shouted down, already hearing footsteps on the stairs.

"Bloody hell, your room looks like a bomb went off in Top Shop!" Michelle exclaimed, looking at the clothes that had been tried on and discarded, hanging over every piece of furniture.

"I have nothing to wear," I grumbled, pulling on the top I was wearing with dissatisfaction. "You know what, maybe I should just give the party a miss. It's not like I can stay for long anyway."

Michelle's face fell and I braced myself, knowing what was coming.

"Oh no, you're not getting out of this Abs. You promised! I'm still annoyed that you went and arranged to go to some gig with Sam later on as it is, so you can bloody well come and show your face for an hour at least!"

I flopped down on the bed shaking my head. "I can't believe you're making me go. You know how I feel about seeing Van again."

Michelle sat down next to me and grabbed my hand. "Look, you're going to have to face him sometime so you may as well get it over and done with. You can't avoid him forever."

"I can try! I'm so nervous about seeing him I feel physically sick!"

"He should be the nervous one! After what he's done he'll be lucky if you don't give him a slap!"

I sighed, wondering how on earth I was going to face him after how I'd broken down when I'd called him the week before. Michelle carried on, her tone softer now.

"Look, you're not gonna get him out your system unless you actually see him. Maybe you'll realise that he's not worth all the tears you've been crying."

Maybe Michelle was right. Maybe Van had just turned up in my life at the time when I needed something to pick me up out of the desperate situation I'd been in with Chris at the time. I tried to tell myself this, ignoring the nerves churning my stomach and the ache in my heart as I applied a slick of lipstick and stepped over to the door.

"Come on then, let's get this over with."

* * * * *

Michelle had promised a small gathering for the band's homecoming party but more people than anticipated had turned up, and I was glad for the hustle and bustle. For one, having all these people around was a welcome distraction. I'd already gulped a few vodka tonics to calm my nerves, but I didn't want to go too far and have the alcohol completely dull my senses.

Every time I heard the doorbell ring it set my heart racing and I sat on the edge of my seat, eyes darting around the room whenever someone new walked in.

"Bloody hell Abby, you gonna relax at all tonight?" Sam said to me. "I don't think you're listening to a word I'm saying are ya?"

"I'm really sorry Sam, I just feel a bit... I dunno... on edge I guess," I said, feeling bad I was acting this way in front of him although I couldn't help it. It was obvious why.

Since I'd drunkenly kissed Sam and we'd had our chat I felt slightly awkward around him. Not enough for it to effect our friendship, but I felt like I had to be ultra careful now. A simple gesture before like a platonic kiss or a hug felt like it carried more weight somehow.

The doorbell chimed again and I started self-consciously adjusting my off the shoulder top and raking my hand through my hair, eyes fixed on the doorway.