All The Mixed Feelings (Van McCann)

Part 56

Abby

"Sam?" I gently knocked on the side door of the garage, waiting for a reply.

I'd usually just walk in unannounced, but I was feeling incredibly embarrassed about my drunken behaviour the night before. The fact that Eve had only just lectured me that same day about not leading Sam on only added to my awkwardness. I really valued his friendship and I hated thinking that I'd let him down.

"Abby, come in!" I heard his voice, bright and cheerful as usual which gave me hope.

I pushed open the door and was surprised to see Sam sitting with an impressive looking shiny electric guitar in his lap, the one which was normally mounted on the wall.

"I didn't even know you played!" I said, temporarily relieved to have something else to talk about, but knowing I'd still have to bring up what happened. "Thought that was just for show!"

Sam grinned before quickly looking down at the guitar, but not before I'd seen the slight flush in his cheeks. "I don't, well not very well, but I'm learning. So... how ya feeling today?"

Now it was my turn to blush. I shook my head. "I've definitely felt better!" I said with a nervous laugh.

I stepped over to where Sam was sitting, taking the seat beside him. "Sam... I errr... I just wanna say sorry... for last night..."

"Ahh you weren't THAT bad!" Sam blurted out. He started ruffling his hair which I noticed he did whenever he felt awkward.

"No seriously, I think I really DO need to apologise. Dragging you out like that. Crying on you!"

"That's what mates are for!" He smiled.

I wanted to leave it but I couldn't. I owed it to Sam. He probably thought I couldn't even remember. I took a deep breath.

"I'm sorry for... kissing you too..." I said, looking over nervously to gauge his reaction.

He froze for a second, and his cheeks turned an even darker shade of red. His eyes darted around the room before coming to rest back at the guitar on his lap.

"It's okay... you were proper steaming... sure ya didn't mean it like..."  Then he finally looked at me. "I left then ya know... I didn't do anything... just tucked you in to bed and went home."

Guilt flashed through me then as I recalled how I'd questioned whether we'd slept together. How could I have ever thought for one minute that Sam would have done anything to take advantage of me?

"Of course I knew that!" I said, cringing inside. "But it wasn't right of me. I shouldn't have done it. Sorry."

Sam looked down, started mussing his hair again. He looked conflicted, like he wanted to say something but he was trying to carefully choose his words. The silence between us was awkward which was not usually the case. I began to wish I'd never brought it up, but then Sam finally started talking.

"Look Abby... I like ya. I really do." He looked up, a tentative expression, his brow furrowed slightly. I shifted awkwardly in my seat. "I mean I know I'm not the singer in a band, and I don't have a fancy job like Mike... I'm just his kid brother. And I know that's how you see me..."

"Sam... I..."

He didn't let me speak, and in a way I was relieved, lost for words.

"I'm not expecting anything. I mean... yeah I've always hoped, but seeing ya last night... how cut up yer were. It's pretty obvious how ya feel about Van..."

I went to open my mouth and protest, but closed it again. There was no point. He could see right through me.

We were both looking down now. I wanted to reach out and give Sam a hug, but worried it wasn't right after everything, and then I felt upset that this might have changed the close dynamics of our friendship. I cursed myself inwardly.