All The Mixed Feelings (Van McCann)

Part 43

Abby

I rushed down the stairs, pulling my dressing gown tight around my body, pushing my damp hair back from my face. I hadn't even had chance to think about who might be at the door, the insistent knocking still reverberating around the house.

I grasped the door handle and opened the door a little gap, not wanting whoever was there to see me in my undressed state.

Chris stood in the doorway, his large frame filling it. I froze, my breath catching in my throat, a gasp leaving my lips. A million thoughts rushed through my head as adrenaline kicked into my system with the spark of fear which was instantly ignited on seeing him.

"Abby, please!" He cried, anticipating me trying to shut him out and shooting out a strong arm to brace himself against the door, which he easily pushed open.

I staggered against the force, a strangled cry escaping me that was pure fear. Chris's face contorted with anguish as he spoke. "Abby, please. I just want to talk to you."

I noticed a huge graze on his cheek, and mottled blueish bruising around his right eye. He looked like he'd not slept, his eyes sunken in his head, and he was still wearing the clothes he'd had on last night. The front of his shirt was crumpled and stained with what looked like blood.

"Please leave me alone," I whimpered.

Chris ignored me, taking a step forward so his foot was jammed against the door. "I swear I'm not gonna hurt you," he pleaded. "You know how much it breaks my heart seeing you frightened ike this?"

I was acutely aware of how alone I was then, with Eve away and no one else to come to my rescue. "I'm gonna call the police!" I cried desperately.

Even as I said the words, I pictured my phone upstairs in the bathroom where I'd left it on the side of the sink.

Although Chris was still filling the doorway, he seemed to shrink a little. He reached for me and I flinched away, my back pressing against the door.

His eyes were fixed firmly on my cheek now and his face crumpled as he shook his head, his eyes pooling with tears. "I can't believe I've done that to you. I never meant to hurt you. I just snapped. I'm so, so sorry."

My instinct was to cower away and hide my injuries behind my hair, but I tried to stand up a little straighter, tried to look him in the eye with the tiniest bit of bravery I could muster.

"Sorry isn't going to fix it this time Chris."

"I know that." He spoke quietly. "I've fucked up good and proper this time. I've just spent the night in the cells."

What? Had someone called the police last night? My mind reeled at the thought of having to make a decision about whether or not to press charges against him.

"It's not... it wasn't about... what happened." Chris looked down, closing his eyes, obviously pained to speak about what had happened. "I didn't get arrested for what I did... to you... although I should have done."

He hung his head in shame.

"What happened?" I said, my voice unsteady.

Chris looked up, but he struggled to look me in the eye. "It was one of the guys from the pub, the doorman. I went mental when you left and really laid into him. I just lost it... I can't even remember much... it's all a blur. Someone called the police. I know it's what I deserve. My mum... when she came to pick me up from the police station... the first thing she said was I was turning out just like my dad. You should have seen the look in her eyes when she heard about what I did. I've really messed up Abby. I've hit rock bottom. I've lost you, I've lost everything."