All The Mixed Feelings (Van McCann)

Part 8

Abby

A few days later things had slipped back into the old routine with Chris with the promise that things would be better. No more drunken indiscretions, no more distrust and no more desperate calls at 3am with passionate apologies because he'd gone too far again.

He'd made up with his mum after I'd called her and had a heart to heart, but he'd decided to stay living with his friend Matt for now. He was attentive, but not controlling. I pushed the betrayal to the back of my mind, feeling happy for the most part. I was comforted by the familiarity of being back with him.

Of course Eve was skeptical, it was in her nature to be protective of me, but she knew I'd made up my mind and I wasn't going to be talked round. Michelle was the same. She said she was happy for me, but I knew otherwise. I ignored the cautious look in her eyes when we spoke about Chris, diverting her attention by bringing Bob into the conversation.

On Wednesday evening I'd popped into Michelle's on the way home from work to see her. She was getting ready for a date with Bob to the local Italian restaurant.

"Bob seems so sweet, I fear for him!" I teased her.

"I'm not that scary!" She laughed. "God I really need to tone it down though. I was proper flirting in my texts but didn't get much back. He was just so... polite! I don't wanna scare him off. I really like him you know."

"Well, when Van dropped me off the other day he said he's really into you so you should definitely go for it!"

"Really?" Her voice raised a few octaves with excitement. "I was worried he just wanted to be a mate. Oh shit, I'm nervous about our date now. What am I gonna wear?"

She pulled on a pair of skinny jeans and I rifled through her wardrobe, pulling out a pretty off the shoulder lacy dress. "You look lovely in this, you should wear it instead. He won't be able to resist you!"

"Hmmm... I was gonna wear that on Saturday."

I looked at her doubtfully. "To a gig? It's a bit dressy isn't it?"

Michelle's eyes lit up excitedly. "Oh, I didn't tell you did I? The guys are having a party afterwards. It's their first big gig and they want to celebrate. It's at the hotel after. I thought I'd probably change into this for it."

A flutter of nerves rippled through me. Nothing had been said about a party. I still hadn't told Chris I was going to the gig, let alone staying late for a party. I told myself everything would be fine after our heart to heart but if everything was, why did I feel nervous?

"What's up?" Michelle said. "It's gonna be so much fun. You enjoyed the party didn't you?"

"Yeah... it's just..."

"You haven't asked Chris about going yet have you?" She said sternly, then she looked cross. "Hold on, what am I saying? I meant you haven't TOLD him yet, seeing as you don't need permission... have you?"

"Michelle, it's not that simple. I just don't want to rock the boat. Things are just starting to get back to normal at the moment."

My friend looked exasperated. "Abs, you gotta set your stall out. If you don't he's going to be controlling you forever. C'mon... I miss my gig partner in crime. It's been so long. Besides, Bob was hinting about us staying over. I was hoping we could, you know, then I could relax a bit and have a few drinks?"

The nerves inside multiplied instantly and I felt panicked. Now I KNEW Chris wouldn't be happy. Why did things always have to be so hard? I knew what Michelle would say of course, if I was with someone reasonable they wouldn't mind one bit. Michelle was waiting, a hopeful look on her face, and I felt guilty. Of course it made sense to stop over.